THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF A FRESHMAN - thatjollygoodwriter - Wattpad

THE EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OF A FRESHMAN

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craziness deep journal open poetic reallife true

I am really confused. One day i am this, another dya, i am that. Most days I wake up, simply angry i wasn't dead yet, but being to scared to dimply jump of, let go. So read my life. Maybe i would finally be able to take that leap off life or maybe, just maybe it will get better.

EXTRACT: 
It is like I woke up one day hurting and it all piled up till I can't take it anymore. The load multiplied till my back broke, now it is all spilling out, my so called self-control, my so called self-esteem, my so called happiness, all pouring out to reveal the cracks underneath the smiles, the tears underneath my smiling eyes, my happy face cracking to show the hurt expression. I cannot take it anymore. I cannot take it, it hurts so much. This may be why people commit suicide, not that I want to, I am just too scared of death and pain, it is the pain, the fact that no one really cares to ask what is wrong, the fact that no one asks why they sleep more, why they eat less, why they simply seclude themselves from the world. It is the feeling that they get when they realize no one actually cares, no one is actually there for them, the feeling that makes them jump, let go of the railing, let go of the only hope they have. LIFE.All Rights Reserved

craziness deep journal open poetic reallife true

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The Smile She Gives You by Juliaaa_k

"I can't do this anymore", I whisper, a single tear rolling down my cheek. I am looking at the floor and try desperately to keep my voice steady. "I gave my best this term. I really did. I studied more than ever, trained harder, tried my best with friends and family... I gave everything I have and I did not give up. But it's not working. It's just not working... I just cannot do it anymore... I cannot do any of it... I- I-... I just want to-" The tears start flowing faster now as my voice breaks. My whole body is quivering and I feel small and vulnerable like I have always been in the past couple of months. But now something is different. A warm hand touches my shoulder, showing me that I am not alone anymore. Astoria Wells is a senior high school student studying by the IB diploma program at a prestigious school in London. She trains in an elite swim team in Islington and is close to being accepted into the London Roar Academy. The coming year is extremely important to Astoria. However, as fate would have it, it's not going quite as planned. Astoria finds herself facing many challenges. Suddenly her everyday life starts breaking apart and she plunges into a deep abyss. It's pitch black. There is no light in sight. The girl is overwhelmed with frustration, suffering, and despair. This is a journey through dark valleys and obscure caves. But it is also a path of self-discovery and healing. Yes, her smile fades... but it reappears again and changes her forever.

My Mate's Betrayal by stanakatic1995

When you are at your lowest there is only one thing you can do and that is to rise. Our protagonist went through some tough sh*t and then like a phoenix she was born again from her ashes. Every time someone tries to take you down you must not feel degraded or keep wallowing in self pity. Be the champion you wish for to come and rescue you. This story is about one of those people who choose to become their "Knight in shining armour" rather than waiting for one to show up. A sneak peek of what's inside. Have a look. I am sure you will like it. "Romantic dates, public declaration of love, standing by her side when going gets tough. Girls were jealous of her for getting such a loving and attentive mate or so she thought. It wasn't jealousy that seared their bond but the hidden truth that she stumbled upon. Daughter of an alpha, a girl who wears her heart on her sleeve, sheltered from world by her herculean father, over protective twin and annoying younger brother. A girl that looks at world in good faith. Sooner than later her faith was shredded to pieces. It happened a week before her 18th birthday. It was a moon less night but her pack was awash with light and cheer. It was for marking ceremony, where she would be marked by her mate and then after a private family gathering they were to leave for secluded wood that were sacred in its own way. It was a way to welcome her mate into the family and getting to know what was in store for him after they complete their mating when she turned eighteen. All in all it was a big day and she was supposed to be happiest person alive as nothing seem better then bonding to someone for life that makes you happy and love you for who you are. But alas! it was an illusion, a beautiful mirage that ended that day." To know what happened next you have to tag along, i will only say one thing, HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A WOMEN SCORNED. ~SK.

When Skies Align by Jasmine_Blossom143

She scowls. He smiles. She glowers. He laughs. She's cold. He's open. She hides with hate. He hides with jokes. Polar opposites. That doesn't stop them from loving each other. People say that some stars shine brighter than others. Leo Caldas knew that quote by heart. Being in a family of nine was hard. And he was the youngest. You would think, "Wow, the youngest? Lucky!" No. NOT lucky. Leo hated being the youngest. Not only was he bullied by his older siblings, he was shoved around like the middle child. His parents forgot he existed. They looked at him like, "Oh. He's still here." The worst part? They were divorced. Which meant he was always tossed around back and forth to each guardian, just waiting to be loved! His other siblings- might he add were ALWAYS given attention- had found their home. Some of his siblings stayed with his mother. And the rest stayed with his father. Both permanent. And Leo? He appreciates the concern. He went from place to place. He just couldn't find his home. What did he do to cope? He smiled. Instead of moping and sulking and doing what everyone else would have done, Leo Caldas smiled through it. It was all he knew how to do. "Pain is the best teacher". Jade Skai hated that quote with all her heart. Partly, because it was true. Pain was the best teacher. Fear coming in halfway. What was worse? When pain decided to side with fear and work together. She had felt both. Multiple times. And the feeling sucked. Jade was not your normal happy sunshiny girl. No. She was cold, having a snappy tongue and a heartless nature. That was her father's fault. Her mother had died when Jade was born. And it tore her father apart. He now sat at home. Drinking alcohol anytime she saw him. To add to the trauma, her father also beat her. Almost every night. For years since she turned ten. She was a very troubled girl. It wasn't her fault.

Submerged (Book 2 Of Breathe) by ScatteredBrains

You tell me it gets better, it gets better in time You say I'll pull myself together, pull it together, you'll be fine Tell me, what the hell do you know? What do you know? Tell me how the hell could you know? How could you know? Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feels, how it feels Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real No, it won't be real, won't know how it feels You tell me hold your head up, hold your head up and be strong 'Cause when you fall you gotta get up, you gotta get up and move on Tell me how the hell could you talk, how could you talk? 'Cause until you walk where I walk, this is no joke Till it happens to you, you don't know how it feels, how it feels Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real (how could you know?) No it won't be real (how could you know?) Won't know how I feel Till your world burns and crashes Till you're at the end, the end of your rope Till you're standing in my shoes I don't wanna hear a thing from you, from you, from you 'Cause you don't know Till it happens to you, you don't know how I feel, how I feel How I feel Till it happens to you, you won't know, it won't be real (how could you know?) No, it won't be real (how could you know?) Won't know how it feels Till it happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you Happens to you (how could you know?) Till it happens to you You won't know how I feel

My New Muse (XXX) (Completed) by AliyahEzinma

This book is rated R. Please proceed with caution. This is the more raunchy version of the book. *** We stand in silence, as I sip my water, and he watches me do it. Finally, he breaks the silence. "I'm sorry if I... offended you by sleeping in your bed last night. This morning. Whatever." "It's fine. You didn't do anything." He nods, his eyes far away, as if thinking of how to word his views. "I didn't do anything... but I wanted to. I wanted to so badly." I nearly choke on my water. I don't know what's worse; his confession, or how nonchalantly he says it, as if he's reading the weather. "Come again?" I say, thinking that I must have heard him wrong. He shrugs. "I want to f*ck you." Again, he is as nonchalant as ever. I just stare stupidly, my mouth agape. He closes my mouth, grinning at me, wicked intentions in his eyes. Not so nonchalant anymore, I see. "Um, I-I...I don't..." I stop talking, realising what a total idiot I sound like, while his grin broadens. In that second, I am grateful for my dark skin, as he can't see me blushing. "Tongue-tied?" My cheeks get hotter. "Shut the f*ck up." He actually laughs. "Don't worry, honey," he says, his hot breath brushing against my face, shocking me. When did he get this close? "One day," he whispers, now in my ear,"I will f*ck you." I realise that my eyes are closed and I open them. He's gone. I stand there frozen, in total shock. What the actual f*ck just happened? *** When all you know is disappointment, you become your own best friend. You isolate yourself from everyone else. You need no one; love is a weakness. That's the case with me. Then, Prince Charming rides in and changes everything. Except, he isn't a prince. He is light, but he holds darkness; he is joy, but he knows pain; he is beauty, but within him is imperfection and ugliness. He is just like me, but he is nothing like me.

Dear Journal... by SadeScorned

Just an online journal of my personal thoughts . No, I am not suicidal. No, I am not depressed. Just introverted, and I trap feelings in more than I'm supposed to .. So I let them out here.

The Street Fighter (#Wattys2014) by KenZ_Dizzy95

"Talk to you about it?" I asked with a dark laugh. "it's not as easy as you make it sound," "Yes, Garret! Talking! You know what that is right? It's very easy! You just open your mouth and let the words that are in your head, come out of your mouth." "It's not that simple," I fought down emotions that were building up. "Yes, it is! See, i'm doing it right now!" "No-it's not!" "Yes!" "No!" "Yes! just talk, dang it!-" "You just expect it to be easy to talk about my dead parents?! About how guilty I feel for not visiting their grave for the past 11 years?! I didn't even realize how long it's been, I had pretty much forgotten about them for 11 years! Do you know what kind of guilt is eating at me right now!" I shouted in angst, my hands grabbing at the clothes on top of my head and pushing it into myself, wanting to just be shielded away from everything I was feeling, guilt, sadness, from thinking about more people I've lost in my life. Before I could even react, Keeley's tiny arms wrapped themselves around my torso. ~  Garret had a difficult life. His parent's died when he was 10, and he got moved around for 4 year's in foster care. He finally find's a home where he feels like he's family, He has a mom, dad and a brother. 4 years later things happen and everything start's to go wrong. People die and people you thought you knew show a whole different side. Garret finds himself distancing from everybody. Because if he's not close to anybody, they cant get hurt. Right?  One day while at a fight he runs into Keeley, who is a spirited and confident little fireball. when they met it left an impression on Garret, soon he finds himself wanting to know her more. and soon, he find's himself falling for her.  Everyone Garret's ever loved has died, has gotten hurt, or stabbed him in the back.will he be able to trust her enough to let her close,or push her away to keep them both from getting hurt? © 2013

To Be Broken by lazylazerkitten

What does it mean to be broken? (I wrote this poem myself) ______________________________ Why be sad? When no one knows how bad You feel your Pain makes you sore. Why be mad? When no one can tell How hard you fell How it hurts MORE than a tad. Why be happy? Be like all those sappy People pretending to be What they want you to see. Why be frightened? Senses heightened Screaming, As sick people are beaming. Why be tired? When no one knows How your wired How you grow. Why be honest? When all known is a broken promise When no one believes you Even if what you say is true. Why hurt? When no one feels your pain When no one's ever alert When you never feel sane. Why pretend? When you know in the end No one will be there Because no one cares. Why care? When no one cares enough for you To know what your going through They think your heart is unfair. Why try? When no one sees that you do They just pry Thinking they know more than you. Why speak? When no one will ever hear They'll say you're a freak They don't see a single tear. Why do anything at all? It's not like anyone will see If you fall If you scream. ____________________________________ "Just admit it Winter. After the whole accident....your broken." "No...No that's where your wrong. I'm not broken. Because to be broken, you had to have been whole in the first place."

A Self-love Story by Kirsten_Sharp

Bliss. Delight. Contentment. Euphoria. Elation. Joy. Glee. Felicity. Jubilation. These are all words synonymous to the word happiness. But what is true happiness? Happiness is that feeling of butterflies fluttering around in your chest, trying to break out. Happiness is that invisible fluid rushing in your veins, making you shiver in the most wonderful way. Happiness is the force that pulls your cheeks up into the widest smile and makes your eyes twinkle. Happiness makes you light-headed and giddy, it is in fact like alcohol. Well then, I am utterly and completely drunk. When you're happy, everything feels amazing. Even small insignificant things like getting up in the morning. The golden hue of sunlight streaming in through the curtains feels like a soft caress from the hand of a lover. The birds seem to chirp sweetly outside, a melody to which the leaves sway as if mesmerised by their music. The curtains tango with the wind beautifully. Every little thing seems perfect. And that's a word I'd use to describe my life. Perfect. To give you a little introduction about me, let me start by explaining the most important aspects of my life. I have a loving family. There's my sarcastic, yet surprisingly sweet brother, my beautiful mother (both in looks and spirit) and my stern, yet humorous father. I have the best best friend, Charlotte and I have an amazing boyfriend, Theo. I'm quite beautiful and popular too which I'm not saying to brag, I'm just stating the truth. So that is my life. The life of Tia-Jade Garcia. *** What she didn't know was that every high has a low and that the higher you rise, the lower you fall and the more painful that fall is. Follow her story as she loses everybody she ever cared for and thereby her happiness. See her fight all of her demons by herself. Watch her fall in love...with herself because the only person's love you'll always need is yours. This is her self-love story.

Unlocking Passion by Cryitssimba

Excerpt This story I haven't been able to fit into a category I've ever read before. A story from a normal genuinely happy girl, getting broken to the point she is not recognizable anymore falling in love like everyone else can in this world no matter how broken anyone is to label her. Paired with my character falling in love I dive deep into the sexual experiences that have opened up her passion in ways the world has never been able to. Experiences that you'd only see in a movie. Throughout this story I add questions that I ask myself on a daily basis about life and also questions I feel like we should all ponder along with talking about daily. My mind, like this world, doesn't stop spinning, does not stop thinking, it's random and cruel. I want you to try and understand slightly the way Colleen's mind never stops spinning even in the best story of her life as I portray myself within her. My ending is only known by me, but you'll be able to interpret your own. A sad love story with a hint of passion that I call my own. I remember when he used to do all this to me, the love. Not abuse. *if you're reading this please give me advice on anything!!*

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Slide 1 of 10

The Smile She Gives You cover

My Mate's Betrayal cover

When Skies Align cover

Submerged (Book 2 Of Breathe) cover

My New Muse (XXX) (Completed) cover

Dear Journal... cover

The Street Fighter (#Wattys2014) cover

To Be Broken cover

A Self-love Story cover

Unlocking Passion cover

The Smile She Gives You

"I can't do this anymore", I whisper, a single tear rolling down my cheek. I am looking at the floor and try desperately to keep my voice steady. "I gave my best this term. I really did. I studied more than ever, trained harder, tried my best with friends and family... I gave everything I have and I did not give up. But it's not working. It's just not working... I just cannot do it anymore... I cannot do any of it... I- I-... I just want to-" The tears start flowing faster now as my voice breaks. My whole body is quivering and I feel small and vulnerable like I have always been in the past couple of months. But now something is different. A warm hand touches my shoulder, showing me that I am not alone anymore. Astoria Wells is a senior high school student studying by the IB diploma program at a prestigious school in London. She trains in an elite swim team in Islington and is close to being accepted into the London Roar Academy. The coming year is extremely important to Astoria. However, as fate would have it, it's not going quite as planned. Astoria finds herself facing many challenges. Suddenly her everyday life starts breaking apart and she plunges into a deep abyss. It's pitch black. There is no light in sight. The girl is overwhelmed with frustration, suffering, and despair. This is a journey through dark valleys and obscure caves. But it is also a path of self-discovery and healing. Yes, her smile fades... but it reappears again and changes her forever.