Adanna
  • Reads 2,816
  • Votes 158
  • Parts 24
  • Time 1h 58m
  • Reads 2,816
  • Votes 158
  • Parts 24
  • Time 1h 58m
Complete, First published Sep 24, 2020
∆ Thinking that memories will go away when you decide to bury them is the worst ideology I had about life.

"I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY" I fall off my chair and sit on the floor,bringing my knees up to my head and wrapping them with hands, rocking myself like a crazy person. My eyes still closed.

"Make it stop! Make it stop! I don't want to remember. I don't want to feel""

A dysfunctional home, following the life of a single mum who is trying to understand her 18 year old, dyslexic child. ∆
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This is my truth by KristinaFigolah
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My life has been an intense journey from a little girl who was beaten down and abused into believing that she was worthless, to a woman at 43 years of age who is still desperately searching for who she truly is. I found her though. I did. And she writes like me, from inside of me. She is me. This girl that I've been in love with since time first existed, is indeed me. The way that she walks. With her hands... and how she talks? The hearts that she's captured, the souls that she has inspired. I'm now trying to be her. I've never felt that I was good enough to actually be myself!!! I always knew how pure and clear and free I was inside. But people told me otherwise, in a very cruel way. No one ever spared my feelings or thought to speak to me with kindness or love. My parents were very serious and strict people. They believed that there was only 1 way to act and inside I knew that I did NOT fit in the parameters of the behavior expected of me. And every single time I made my Step Daddy sigh or frown it felt like I knife in my heart. I was a let down. Always too loud. Always moving too much. Always too fat and always too ugly. Always too much. Unless I sat quietly. But I've always been a firecracker and all of that containment really made me want to blow off! All of what was inside of me, swirling and dividing in me. Burying the side of me that I loved the most! I was a bastard and a blasphemy. Harsh words for a girl of 3. They said them when they baptized me.
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While tortured and held captive as a prisoner of war, she became my reason to keep breathing. The force that fueled my will to fight. To survive. When I woke after the rescue to discover the life I thought I was coming home to was but a figment of my imagination, hallucinations brought about by pain, desperation, and isolation... it nearly broke me. Fifteen years since I first lost her, at last, we have a second chance. Holding her in my arms, finally feeling the warmth of her skin as she melts under my touch, is like a dream. She and her two little girls are now as essential to my existence as the air I breathe. However, just as things start falling into place, the universe steps in, threatening to take it all away. I used to think that choosing her cost me everything I'd ever loved, but now I see that in choosing her and her children, I have the chance to reclaim all that I lost. They are my salvation. My true path to redemption. Which is why I'll leave no stone unturned, why I will scorch this world to the ground if that's what it takes to save them. And when I do, I will fight to convince her once and for all they are meant to be mine, just as I was destined to be theirs.