The Side Effects of Marriage

Rated R for Violence

Prescription: marriage.

Dose: one per lifetime until death do us part, perhaps more if the patient is very picky, rich, famous, or otherwise entitled.

Prescribed by: society, your mother, your future mother-in-law, every cousin and sorority sister who asks you to be her bridesmaid, the government, the leaders of organized religion, and life insurance companies.

Many people report experiencing: boredom, routine, monotony, fits of jealous rage, secret-keeping, childbearing, child-rearing, thinning hair, and weight gain.

In some extreme cases the side effects may include: lying, stealing, adultery, inappropriate use of a clothing iron, car chases, explosions, and murder.