When you're stuck inside a layer of skin you never asked for, what does the soul do?
It cries out in poems and pictures, and words that have so much meaning to anyone if they look hard enough.
It winces in pain every time the pen hits the paper and shouts in agony every time the mirror is reflected upon a burning face.
This is a collection of me. My eating disorder, my depression, anxiety, my thoughts, my words, my pain.
If you've ever wondered what it was like inside the mind of an anorexic, a bulimic, a chronically depressed woman, here is the answer. A memoir written by me.
There is no specific order you should read this book. Choose a random chapter from the table of contents, and read. Take a little in, leave a little out.
****** There is a major trigger warning for almost every story in here. If you are sensitive to numbers, or ideas or anything of this matter, this book may not be for you.
"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep down I'm starving for help."
Welcome to Anorexia.
Your hostess is Ana.
She'll take over from here.
Suffering alone inside of your mind from a terrifying mental disorder, is something that even those who battle such a thing every day, cannot fully understand.
It's like being alone 24/7 yet it's never quiet inside of your head. You can't stop the voices. You can't control your emotions. As it gets worse, you lose control of your body all together. You become prey to your disease and You can't fight back.
That is what it's like for someone who has spent years of their life suffering in silence from an eating disorder. Fighting a monster that you have no chance of beating. It's almost impossible to describe the type of torture that consumes your mind.
Hell. It's equivalent to pure hell.