The Secrets in the Eyes

My life as one can say has moved on. No more questions being asked.
No longer is my family pondering the thoughts of where in the wide world could she have gone.

I still get startled when I hear her name. My mind blanks and I get a quick flashback of my once addiction. I don't think I can grow out of that. And I have come to peace with it.

Sometimes I still miss her.

I think of what could have happened if she stayed. If she held on a little longer.
Would I be who I am today?
Would everything be different?

The damage of a long relationship has been embedded in my soul and carries a dagger through my heart. I will never fully understand the reason why. Why and how did everything take a turn for the worst. My sleep patterns have gotten better.
My laughter has gotten somewhat real. My want to live has grown more passionate.

She might have really meant it throughout the years when she told me I was her only light. She might have really meant it when she said I was her best friend. And she might have meant it when she said she loved me.
But I guess I will never really know.

And for now... I'm ok with that.