Tails of Anthropomorphia

Do books have hair? Is being read worth the cost of losing a dusty wig?
Why do turtles stare beyond the wall? Do they like swimming in their... muddy mess?
Why do we reheat meat only to refrigerate over and over? Are pieces of meat avoided?
Do telephones appreciate our screaming? Would they rather be misaligned and dormant?
What if you kicked the soccer ball over the edge? What if someone kidnapped it?

(All based on true events, except the obvious falsities)