Heaven On The Outside Hell On The Inside - DistortedDelilah - Wattpad

Story cover for Heaven On The Outside Hell On The Inside by DistortedDelilah

Heaven On The Outside Hell On The Inside

DistortedDelilah

Reads 107
Votes 11
Parts 3
Time 21m

Reads 107
Votes 11
Parts 3
Time 21m

DistortedDelilah

abuse ana anorexia anxiety bulimia crime cutter depressed depression drugabuse drugs eatingdisorder mia selfharm selfhate selfinjury sexualabuse suicidal suicide trauma

My life on the outside,for the most part has always seemed to most to be "perfect". Some of those closet to me have seen further than that,but never been able to truly know or see the hell I've been through.They see the looks,the money,the popularity,the material things.But never the darker truths & horror that has made up my life.I've always been too ashamed & scared to truly share my whole story.Well,this is it.There may be some inconsistencies/contradictions,but that doesn't make any of this any less true.Some things are too painful & I have repressed them.Some things are hazy,maybe my subconscious has blocked some of it out.My past is painful beyond words.I've been through abuse,eating disorders,selfharm,violence,drugs,prostitution,attempted suicide & so much more.This is a painful reminder that not all that glitters is gold.I've never been this open with anyone & this is terrifying but now I feel it's time to share my story.My story is not over,it's ongoing, but this is it so far.All Rights Reserved

abuse ana anorexia anxiety bulimia crime cutter depressed depression drugabuse drugs eatingdisorder mia selfharm selfhate selfinjury sexualabuse suicidal suicide trauma

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Not me. (2023) by MineOnlyFriend2

so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.

Family Comes First by CRAZY40429

Being alone? Check. Being afraid? Check. Being abused? Check times 3. Honestly, my life wasn't this bad before, not until I ended in foster care... SIKE! My life was always bad. From the moment I was born, I lived with an abusive father who blamed me for my mother's death, and even I couldn't disagree with him. Here are a few questions I am constantly asked: 'Do I do well in school?' No, are you kidding me? The only subject I'm good at is Visual Arts. 'Do I have a kind and caring family?' No, I don't think I do. 'Do I have anyone who cares about me?' No, I'm a loner and socially awkward. 'Do I have privileges?' No, if you haven't understood the message yet, I live in an abusive household. Now, you might ask if there are any questions the answer is yes. I'll give you some. 'Do I want to die?' Yes, I sometimes do. 'Do I feel alone in this world?' Yes, always. 'Do I get a beating every day?' Yes. *** This is Amara Williams, a 13 year-old with average grades and no friends. What happens when her only guardian, her dad, is dead? What happens when she finds out that she has five older brothers who are not only strict and demanding, but also protective assholes? More importantly, what happens when she finds out that she was taught lies from the moment she was born? Follow Amara as she digs deeper into her family history, uncovering the secrets and discovering the lies. ___ ⚠️ Trigger Warning ⚠️ There will be mentions of abuse, r@pe, self harm, death, and many other dark themes. I have given a warning now, and I will give a TW in each chapter when reading for safety reasons. However, I want all of my readers to know what to expect so that they can decided for themselves if they want to read. Read at your own discretion! ____ Highest Rankings: #1 in Rules: Oct. 18. 2020 #1 in Truth: Jan. 16. 2021 #1 in Alcohol: Jun. 18. 2021

Pieces of Me. by beautiful_wish

Hi there, how are you? I hope you're okay. Like the title says, this book is made of pieces of me, sort of like a diary. Each chapter has its topic, message and feeling. I write it as my life goes on, pouring my heart out, mentioning a lot of the past and situations I haven't overcome, voicing my struggles, wins and losses, lessons and pain. I hope this helps you somehow, I mean, if I'm gonna be posting my life anonymously on the internet I can try at least to help someone. Never forget, you are not alone. This is for you. Good luck :) *trigger warning*- please if you get triggered easily or are going through a hard situation don't read this book, specially the chapters: Puppy thoughts. The Need. -Sequel: Head High (on my profile)

Unhealthy Obsession |18+| by CodiBlue

-Let's get this straight. From a dead end job to a useless crazy ex boyfriend- my happiness is with my best friend yet the fear of our relationship ending completely scares me and id rather fake it and be in fear than find out and never be happy. It sucks, seeing him everyday and knowing what i feel for him and how deep those feelings go is painful...- But when he comes around everything changes for the best and for the worst. As a whole they are deeply loved and equally as hated by others but the love from one another is undeniable, if only she wasnt so selfish with her choices and words- -Lying, cheating, sneaking, crying- many acts and emotions come from within when there's someone you love unaware of that love.. Possibly growing to love someone else right before your eyes..Its gut wrenching, i know because ive fucked up. Its worse when you're aware of the harm you cause yourself and others but dont care how the outcome turns out to be. Why would it matter how it effects you if youre used to pain and people leaving? it wouldnt. All because you take comfort in your own mind and mental illness, once you realize you have freewill it may become a bad thing if youre careless.- - Gabriella White.

The Overshared And Underappreciated Mind Of A Hopeless Romantic by thrillsgum

Writing has always been a secret indulgence. It's something I keep to myself most days and it will continue to be something I share with very few people. Bound in these flimsy plastic rings is a brief rundown of me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Nothing in here is terribly out of the ordinary for a teen girl who grew up before she was supposed to. A girl whose life was never hers to live. A lot of the time, I never know what's going on. I find it helpful to write down what I don't understand to try and make sense of the world around me. Writing these pieces has helped me find peace in my life. This class has proven more cathartic than I thought. That being said, there are some topics that can be sensitive here. I've starred the titles that could be triggering for some in the table of contents. If you are bothered by mentions of: abuse, self harm, or talks about mental health and illnesses, I suggest avoiding the starred titles. Otherwise, I hope you enjoy the ooey-gooey and heartfelt pieces I have pumped out of my system

The Best Kept Secret! by writersosa

They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?

It All Started In Rehab ✓ by LiveLifeInTheRain

He used to be one of TV's most beloved actors. He had the good looks, played the golden boy characters and had the voice that millions would be jealous of. He was in the spotlight and talked about daily, until one day he just wasn't. He just seemed to disappear, and with everything else going on, the mystery of where he went faded quickly, Hollywood moved on. I was one of those that didn't follow all of the Hollywood drama, but I knew who he was; everyone did. I never thought I would see his face on magazines again, and I never once thought that Hollywood's golden boy would be sitting in front of me with lifeless eyes and an attitude that warned you not to approach him. I never expected to meet him in person ever, but the last place I would ever expect to see him would be Rehab. In here no one cared who you were, all that mattered was the addiction and the fact that we all knew at this point our lives have fallen apart. Some would be put back together, and some were destroyed beyond being fixed. Nothing ever prepared us for the addiction we would face, but even worse is no one and nothing can prepare you for the up's and down's and the trials you would face, the unexpected people you would connect with, the heartbreaking stories, the late night talks, the friends you would make and the friends you would lose. Nothing could prepare you for the horrors and happiness found here that you would be forced to live with for the rest of your life. I thought my life was over, but I found the right people to help me through, I found out who my friends were, what the closest people in my life thought of me, most importantly I learned to live with my choices and move on, and it all started in rehab General Fiction - 9 Romance - 27 *Cover By Jessmb94*

I Want You by Emily_Hail

Hi, I'm Hallie; I am 17 years old and I went through depression from the Abuse I got from my father. You know the usual, feeling as if you're the only person who won't feel loved in life, that nobody's going to care for you, the one in school that's bullied. The only person who has ever asked if I was okay, was my mother. But that was over eight years ago. Yes I was getting abused by my father for over eight years My appearance is different from what you may think. I have long brown hair, grey eyes like my mother's, I'm kind of tan, my height is 5'3. Yes, I am short as well. I'm half Irish, a third Italian and half German. One thing is certain though, I was a burden to everybody who has ever spoken to me. I have no friends and basically this all changed due to me being late for school one day.... ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ 𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜~ -Mature scenes -Abuse -Sexual Assault -Drugs -Alcohol -Mention of Suicide -SelfHarm -Violence ▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️▪️ If you are ever having any issue with Self-Harm, a friend is or your just worried about someone. These are some places you can contact. National Suicide Prevention Lifeline- 1800-273-8255 Mobile Crisis Line- 704-566-3410 The Crisis Text Line- 741-741 Domestic Violence Hotline- 800-799-7233 Text START to 88788

Starving For Help by Lauryn_Love

"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep down I'm starving for help." Welcome to Anorexia. Your hostess is Ana. She'll take over from here. Suffering alone inside of your mind from a terrifying mental disorder, is something that even those who battle such a thing every day, cannot fully understand. It's like being alone 24/7 yet it's never quiet inside of your head. You can't stop the voices. You can't control your emotions. As it gets worse, you lose control of your body all together. You become prey to your disease and You can't fight back. That is what it's like for someone who has spent years of their life suffering in silence from an eating disorder. Fighting a monster that you have no chance of beating. It's almost impossible to describe the type of torture that consumes your mind. Hell. It's equivalent to pure hell.

You don't know me by You_Dont_Know_Me9374

⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ Not for the faint of heart, I explore dark parts of my mind and unfurl them for your own enjoyment. All of these stories are true. You don't know me, and you're never going to. This is basically just a shitty diary of my life with very few details as to who I am, Don't want to scare you off. Feel free to read but I don't really care. I'm just a screwed up guy that everyone knows and nobody cares about really. If you can't tell I'll probably swear quite a bit in this so if you don't like that I'm sorry, but this really isn't a good read anyway it's just me complaining about the fact I still exist. Actually no, whilst I did start this to complain about my life, the stories are fluctuating, as I discover I am infact worthy of love, even I don't believe it at all times. I hope you enjoy my rantings. ⚠️ TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️

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Slide 1 of 10

Not me. (2023) cover

Family Comes First cover

Pieces of Me. cover

Unhealthy Obsession |18+| cover

The Overshared And Underappreciated Mind Of A Hopeless Romantic cover

The Best Kept Secret! cover

It All Started In Rehab ✓ cover

I Want You cover

Starving For Help cover

You don't know me cover

Not me. (2023)

so, I've been struggling for a long time now, and I never told anyone about it. I've never opened up. but I met someone who understands how I feel, and I'm beginning to feel again. I don't know how to do it, but I finally feel I can fight. I've been so exhausted. I'm not better, I'm not sure if i ever will be, but I'm not numb, not entirely. I can't say how I'm feeling, or what i am going to write, but if you want it, it's here. This is for you. For everyone who was made to be the villain by those meant to be by their sides. For everyone with a sensitive heart made to grow strong much too quickly. For everyone who struggles to get out of bed in the morning. For everyone who never could find the words to say why. For everyone who struggles to feel and for everyone who feels too much. For everyone who had to pick themselves back up. For everyone who had to parent themselves. For everyone fighting an invisible battle. For everyone who has been underestimated. For everyone who has to flee to other worlds to cope. For everyone who found other means to silence their voices. For everyone who was silenced. For everyone who was over powered. For everyone who was made to be less. For everyone who had to watch someone else suffer and stay silent. For everyone asking themselves, why? Why would you do this? What did I do? Why is this happening to me? It was never your fault.