Heaven On The Outside Hell On The Inside
- Reads 111
- Votes 11
- Parts 3
Ongoing21m
Last published Tue, Apr 28, 2015
My life on the outside,for the most part has always seemed to most to be "perfect". Some of those closet to me have seen further than that,but never been able to truly know or see the hell I've been through.They see the looks,the money,the popularity,the material things.But never the darker truths & horror that has made up my life.I've always been too ashamed & scared to truly share my whole story.Well,this is it.There may be some inconsistencies/contradictions,but that doesn't make any of this any less true.Some things are too painful & I have repressed them.Some things are hazy,maybe my subconscious has blocked some of it out.My past is painful beyond words.I've been through abuse,eating disorders,selfharm,violence,drugs,prostitution,attempted suicide & so much more.This is a painful reminder that not all that glitters is gold.I've never been this open with anyone & this is terrifying but now I feel it's time to share my story.My story is not over,it's ongoing, but this is it so far.
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They say what's in the past keep it in the past but I wanted to know all about my past. It was things that I didn't know and that I wanted and needed to know! But my life turned upside down when my past is exactly what I should have left alone. Now if you ask me how it all began, I don't exactly remember but I know it started when I moved in with my grandma who I haven't met in all my twenty years of living. I have been in and out of foster homes since I can remember, living with families I knew nothing about. Being the outcast and them constantly asking me what's wrong because I simply did not speak. The only thing that kept me sane was my good grades throughout school. I got the satisfaction of doing the one thing that people kept telling me over and over I couldn't do. I stayed to myself and graduated high school with honors, getting a full-ride scholarship to any college of my choice. Of course, by having this accomplishment, it didn't make it any easier for me between my foster families. To them, I became the girl who was better than them. But I didn't care because when I turned twenty I finally got to start making my own choices. This is where I wonder if the first choice I made was the right one. The first choice I made was to go live off-campus with my grandmother during my first semester in college. I ask myself how could I be so stupid? But you will see just how stupid I was. Or was I?
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