Too Funny/Too Good Not to Share

Whenever I'm just waiting for inspiration to start a new story or update an ongoing one, or whenever I'm feeling down, I look for funny quotes, sayings or jokes or inspirational quotes/sayings to get me through the day. Needless to say none of them are mine. I do not know however whom to attribute them. I just thought of sharing them here with anyone who might be in need of a picker upper just like me.
The cover image is not mine. It belongs to someone named Zazzle who uploaded it on the internet.