Chase-ing Faith (completed needs edited)

When there is no hope there is faith, no matter how much it hurts, how hopeless, how dark there is faith.

Chase was born at 40 weeks and 2 days. Everything was normal uncomplicated up until the umbilical cord was cut. After that, all hell broke loose. Expecting my baby to be brought back to me at any moment I instead had to prepare myself to say goodbye. I had barely said hello, how could I say goodbye. Maybe I was being punished, maybe I deserved to be punished. This had to be my fault. When there is no hope you have nothing else left but to look at God and say I have nothing left but to trust you. I chased faith because it was all I had left.

Chase was diagnosed with TAPVR 12 hours+ after birth, 12 hours with no oxygen; 12 hours without air in my lungs, 3 days on ECMO being told to love him because 5 mins were all it took never have tomorrow, 3 times I was told to say goodbye. When there is no hope we chased faith.