I'm fighting myself

My life has gone crazy, I don't know what's happening to me and I'm going through unimaginable changes.
Physically I don't turn into anything, but mentally, I don't know, everything I see, everything I see arouses a deep emotion, a desire to hurt them, every word makes me cry until my face is rinsed by the tears springing from the desert to my soul, I hardly learned to abstain.
Even in the moments when I should laugh, cry, it all comes down to sadness, anger, suffering, pain, agony, screaming, everything that is worse, destruction.
I only find relief here in my diary on the battlefield.
I fight with my self, I fight for the power to control myself, for the power to live my life!