I hate you but I don't

Or do I? "I promise I will make the effort to see you," so why am I crying in my room alone everytime the answer is no? I feel pretty today. I look pretty today. I am pretty today. But today is Sunday, and football is on, so "will you do me a favor and please move out of the way?" We are sitting on a date, and I'm feeling so special. Because this time I saw your true face than I did my own in the reflection off the back of your phone. Please tell me why holding your hand is a request too large. Same for a hug, a kiss or a moment of being together which all come with a charge. "Stop crying, you're fine", while the tears roll down my face. Has he forgotten our anniversary, yet again, for the 4th time in this case?

You give me all the reasons to use the word hate, but I can't and I won't.

Because I want to be there the day you realize how you treated me. When you see that the pain stained my eyes blush pink from the crying that resulted from your hurtful disregard. How I managed to grow in an area filled with manipulation and disrespect, I have no clue. But maybe that was my way to get back at you.