My Walking Contradiction

I waited.

And waited.

You weren't there.

You. Never. Came.

Is that what my life's outcome is going to be? Waiting?

Waiting for a home?

For love?

Waiting to be loved?

Waiting for you?

I need it all to just stop. I can't handle this. I'm not built for heartbreak and torment.

You were my salvation. My salvation from my father. My salvation from myself.

You were supposed to be with me.

So why did you not come?

Are you with her?

It's okay.

She is prettier. And smarter. She has a loving family and friends. She is nice. Kind. She is good for you.

So, as much as I wish you were with me. . . as much as I wish that I could make you happy. . . I can't.

But she is good. Not twisted up inside. Not broken.

She is good. And I want what is best for you. Because you make me whole, and I've never had that. The memories are enough to hold me together.

If that is true, then why do I feel the gaping hole in my chest growing larger? Darker. Emptier.

I have something I have to tell you. That's why I asked you here. But you didn't show, and now. . .

I'll die.

And you'll have no idea how I felt about you. What you did for me.

Have a wonderful future, I know you can do it. My existence means nothing to you, and that is how it is going to stay. You better keep it that way.

Sincerely,

Meredith.