Just a fanfic so I don't have another breakdown. Earlier this night I remembered an old friend. Slowly it sank in that he's been gone for 2-3 years and probably forgot me. Then I realized what I've been feeling for so long now might be gender dysphoria because: When someone uses my dead name I get a deep feeling of sadness in my gut, when someone uses she too much I get sad even though I use she/they. And finally I realized I hated being Christian and now I'm stuck with nothing, I just want a god to trust.