Story cover for Just My Random (and depressing) Thoughts by ChesterBlack
Just My Random (and depressing) Thoughts
ChesterBlack
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  • Reads 2
  • Votes 0
  • Parts 2
  • Time 7m
ChesterBlack
Ongoing, First published Dec 15, 2020
Mature
anxietydepressionmentalhealthsadnesssuicidalthoughtsthoughts
Just as the title states, this is really just a book (can I even call this a book?) about the things that plague my mind. This will contain very depressing thoughts. This book has a big TRIGGER WARNING!! 

So you understand me a little better, I have been officially diagnosed with depression, severe anxiety, manic depression, and codependency. Though my friends have suggested other things, I have not been to see anyone about my problems recently. I did have a therapist. He was a family therapist who usually saw people with alcohol addictions or drug addictions. I was different. He saw me individually. Never spoke to my parents, never spoke to my siblings. He knew no one in my family. And I've never had a drinking problem. So I was new to him. The visits were only about an hour long and I only saw him five times in total before my mother (Tabatha) took me out of it. I don't really know how I feel about that. I don't think I made progress with him but we did only have five visits. That was two years ago. I stopped taking my antidepressants. They made me feel worse. Like there was a mask over my face just hiding what I was truly feeling. I felt the medicine was lying to me. Trying to make me believe I was happy when I really wasn't. I'm still depressed and I still have anxiety and I still have manic depression. I just don't take medicine for them because I don't want it. I don't just want a bunch of lies filling my brain. I want to truly feel alive again. I don't want to be reliant on medicine my whole life cuz, I'll say it, medicine does not work! Or, at least not for me. It doesn't help in the long run. It just masks what you're feeling at that moment. I want my freedom and to love who I want and to just be human... So here are my thoughts. My feelings. On the surface, I may seem strong and confident to my friends and birth family but, on the inside, I'm dying. So you, the reader, get a glimpse of what goes on inside of my mind. I'm sorry.
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anxietydepressionmentalhealthsadnesssuicidalthoughtsthoughts
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𝐍𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐌𝐄

42 parts Complete Mature

🚧 UNDER CONSTRUCTION 🚧 〤In editing process, first book, revamping in progress〤 ❝ 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒 𝑀𝒶𝒹𝑒 𝒯𝒽𝑒 𝒟𝒶𝓃𝑔𝑒𝓇 𝐼𝓃 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝐿𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝐿𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝒮𝒶𝒻𝑒𝓉𝓎 , ❞ ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ♡ﮩ٨ـﮩﮩ٨ـ. I decided to explore a little and found a room that had a beautiful black bed. It was very masculine, but the smell gave me butterflies. I approached the curtains on the large and long windows and gently touched them. "May I help you?" a tall figure asked with his hands In his pockets. I quickly turned around and was shocked at the sight I was seeing. It was the man with beautiful brown eyes. "No, I'm sorry, I just liked the way your room looked," I told him with a slight smile. ₊˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ ﾟ. Yelena Alverez, nineteen-year-old, born in Italy raised in New York by her adoptive mother, Yelena, crosses paths with Adrian Costello, a twenty-five-year-old Mafia underboss. Adrian is a carefree sinner. He can shoot you in the head twenty-seven times with no guilt. Yelena loses her adoptive mother and is forced to move in with her biological parents. To Yelena, they were terrible people that had no emotion. Once Yelena got closer to her family, she realized they weren't bad people. Well, she was wrong. Her entire family is also in the Italian Mafia and her father is the boss. Adrian has never shown emotion towards a woman in his entire life, but once he meets Yelena, he falls in love. ₊‧ ✩ ੈ * ⚬ ʚ♡ɞ ⚬ * ੈ✩‧₊ * NEEDS MAJOR EDITING * xoxo, Scythe 🍜 ‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵ #1 - troublemaking #1 - Pinocchio #1 - Disparity #2 - forbiddenlove #2 - age gap #1 - Mine 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 : 𝘀𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝘁𝗵 , 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗲𝗱 : 𝗝𝘂𝗹𝘆 𝟭𝟱𝘁h

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