Trying to Forget

I'm lost and I don't know what I am doing here anymore.Life was so easy for the first 4 month's,then suddenly all those emotion's hit me again.I can't sleep.I can't eat.I've convinced myself that this is what I deserve,when in reality....

I done nothing to be treated like this.Nothing to be feeling the way I am right now.

I don't know why I miss you when I am thinking about someone else being in my bed.Music makes me think of you again and I am right back in the same place that I was in Janurary.

Please tell me what to do because I can't keep thinking of you like this.It hurts....it hurts to the point where I am numb.The shower offer's no relief,not even sleep is capable of saving me.

Where did I go wrong for you to do this to me?Did I say something??Did I miss one too many call's?Did I forget to text you when you needed me?Was I sleeping when you were crying and you decided to go somewhere else for comfort??

Please just tell me.....was my love not enough??

I'm tired of feeling like this.I'm tired of feeling as if I am going to die any second.The world is on fire around me and all I can do is scream even if I know no one can hear me.

I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night and yearning for your touch again.I don't want that.I no longer want you because I know how this story end's.I know what pain feel's like....I know what to expect.And I don't care how many times I tell myself that I won't ever need you again.....

You will always be the first thing my mind run's to.

Even if it kills me.