I walk alone

The only thing worse than dying is seeing someone you love die. Not necessarily a fast violent death but, a slow one. One where all you can do is watch it happen, love them with all your heart, and prepare for the worst.

I always knew that Christian would die. Even after six years of knowing that, I wasn't prepared for it, it hit me like a pile of bricks. I always figured that even though he would die he would always be with me because he loved me, turns out that's not how it works.

Death does crazy things, it can make you horrifyingly sad or it can lift a burden from your chest. They always tell you that "they're in a better place now" or that "they don't hurt anymore" but God damnit I hurt.

I hurt a lot.