What My Mother Forgot

What My Mother Forgot

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WpMetadataReadMatureComplete Fri, Apr 30, 20211h 21m
Before reading this, you should know... This is not a happy story. There is no happy ending. Simply put, this is a chronological account of the abuse, neglect, and bullying I suffered at the hands of loved ones from birth to 17 years old. It does not include reflection. It is meant to be a recounting from my perspective at the time. When you read content from Birth to around 11 years old, it is intended to sound like a young child is telling the story, versus those written about events that occurred when I was older. Before embarking on writing this, I considered how honest I wanted to be and what details I truly wanted and needed to share. Ultimately, I chose to publish these things anonymously. I've taken some responsibility for hiding the identities of those I wrote about, but I did not protect them nearly as much as I protected myself. Over the years, I've kept these stories secret because I love these people who hurt me. I believed I was loving them by not telling. But now that I'm an adult, and I understand love a little better, I realized that while I may have been making someone feel safe, I was not keeping myself safe.
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He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.

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