Intrusive H.S

Grab the steering wheel and drive into that car.

Jump off of this roof.

Stab that old woman that just walked by.

Stick your hand into that flame.

Kill your family.

Jump in front of that car.

Everyone has intrusive thoughts, the erge to cause chaos, the idea that your in control of what happens next, the satisfaction of knowing you have the power to grant or take away life. Everybody has intrusive thoughts yet nobody speaks of them.

It's different for me though, I can't seem to escape my mine. I feel like I am being suffocated, like I have weights wrapped around my ankles holding me down, forcing me to steer as far away from the idea of happiness for as long as my body decides to keep me alive.

I can't escape, and I know I never will, one day my bones will become weak and my head will become to heavy for my own good. Its only a matter of time before the fight becomes too overwhelming and I do something stupid and honestly I'm okay with that.

I've never felt content in my life. I've always felt like I don't have a reason to be here, like I don't deserve to be here.

I know I'm a bad person and I know that because of me, people feel pain in there hearts. I cause that pain, I'm the villain people always talk about in fairytales. I feel trapped and there is only one way out.

I just want my subconscious to stop.

I want the pain to end.

I want to see Ace again....