lost in my head
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- Parts 5
Ongoing20m
Last published Wed, Jun 2, 2021
TW!!!
abuse, sex, swearing, violence and harassment, please do no read if you know anything like that will trigger you!!!
"I'm sorry babe" I say, I try to make it sound sincere but I stopped feeling a long time ago, he know's it too, maybe that's why he's constantly angry, because I don't love him? because I don't care for him? because the trust I have in myself has been washed away after everytime I tried convincing myself that he was worth it, and after he proved that I was lying to myself everytime. Anyone in this position would feel the same yet I feel so alone, what am I supposed to do? run away? except I have nowhere nor no one I can run to and that feels a whole lot scarier then staying.
It's all his fault, or maybe it's mine, I let him act like this, infact I would blame myself for creating this monster since I was always too young and naive to fight back and instead I just told myself it was 'because he loved me' except for 2 years I've been dealing with this same 'love' that has slowly drained any young living girl that was once in me. "Don't sass me you b!tch" he screams and I just close my eyes, go one and hit me like you always do, I don't care anymore, hit me, kick me, slap me, kill me.
I used to be lost in your eyes, in your touch, in your voice, but now...now I'm just lost my head and no one can save me.
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"It's because Im in love with you" He says, with a straight face. Not even cracking a smile. I cant help but to laugh at his remark, staring at his serious face. Hes putting a lot into this act. He would never just admit it like that. "No you're not," I tell him after my fit of laughter. I pull at his cheek once before patting it with a smirk, "We just had sex," "And now I love you," He says, immediately after. "We were both desperate," I respond, finally deciding not to pay him any mind. I grab my rag off the counter top, wiping off the spot he is at and continuing down the bar. "I love you" He calls out as I get farther away. I don't react, keeping my back to him and ignoring his shenanigans, stilling scrubbing down the bar. "I said I love you," He calls out again, louder. I can hear his chair scrape the ground and I can see he starts to follow me from the opposite side of the bars. "Do you hear me? I love you" He yells over the noise in the bakery. -- "It's because Im in love with you" I tell him, seriously. "No you're not," He responds simply, "Because then you wouldn't leave me," "You know I love you," I plead, crossing my arms across my chest, "I wouldn't just do this to you, Tony," My arms are folded on my chest but I want nothing more than to wrap them around him and hold him for a second longer. He pulls further away from me, his hands raking over his face, before they drop in his lap. "You were using me," He says softly. Like a moment of realization hit. "No, I love you." I tell him again, unconsciously reaching for his hand for comfort for the both of us. He pulls it back, standing up and not giving me a second glance before he walks off from me. My jaw drops. "I said I love you," I call out from behind him. "Do you hear me? I love you," *** Friends and benefits could never hurt a childhood friendship. Could it? How far will this go? What is there to expect?
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