The Escape To Hajj ( First Story)

This is a story for a school assignment I am currently working on. I really like the way I am writing this so I decided to post it here for people to read and get advice. Ok, this is a story about a young mom named Miana. She is 20 years old and has two kids name Ghalen and Shanice( Ages will be in the story) She, Mansa Musa, and hundreds of other people are traveling to escape the slavery they have been in to be free. All Miana wants is for her kids to just be happy and have a better life. I hope you enjoy my first-time story=).