The Journey In Disguise (a story of a stalker)

LOSING IDENTITY: Welcome To My Mind (part 1)

That wasn't me. That wasn't me at all, I was wearing a mask, playing games, hoping to seem like a better person than I really was, making even more mistakes than I normally would, banishing all my dignity, my feelings and my high sensitivity along the way. The sensitive intuition. I saw so much but admitted so little and this was the result. I didn't like myself! I didn't care about the pain I was experiencing and just went on with my life, thinking that it would just pass somehow by itself, lying to myself that it was nothing, it didn't matter. Getting in touch with him again had become more important than my reality, my relationships, my bachelor thesis, everything. Little, very little did I understand the obsession under whose influence I did all that Google searching, asking people, ranting, overthinking and asking the ultimate question: "What exactly did I do wrong and how the hell do I fix it?"

And I said to myself: "I WILL find out. I WILL fix this."

On the outside, though, nobody noticed shit unless I decided to tell them myself.

I took pride in it.

And that's how I became a stalker, basically.