Playing Pretend
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Ongoing, First published Mar 24, 2021
**TW** - substance abuse

A story I wrote when I was in high school, battling undiagnosed mental illnesses in secret :) 
Fast forward several years later and I've been diagnosed with Bipolar, BPD with dissociation, and Anorexia. I'm here to listen for anyone who wants to talk. I promise it gets better <3
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"I smile everyday. I live my life like nothing is wrong with me. No one would ever guess that I'm screaming inside or that I've secretly been hiding this huge part of my life. No one would ever know that I cry myself to sleep at night or that deep down I'm starving for help." Welcome to Anorexia. Your hostess is Ana. She'll take over from here. Suffering alone inside of your mind from a terrifying mental disorder, is something that even those who battle such a thing every day, cannot fully understand. It's like being alone 24/7 yet it's never quiet inside of your head. You can't stop the voices. You can't control your emotions. As it gets worse, you lose control of your body all together. You become prey to your disease and You can't fight back. That is what it's like for someone who has spent years of their life suffering in silence from an eating disorder. Fighting a monster that you have no chance of beating. It's almost impossible to describe the type of torture that consumes your mind. Hell. It's equivalent to pure hell.