Story cover for It was under control  by myrealnameisasecret
It was under control
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    Parts 32
  • WpHistory
    Time 10h 50m
  • WpView
    Reads 68,052
  • WpVote
    Votes 892
  • WpPart
    Parts 32
  • WpHistory
    Time 10h 50m
Complete, First published Mar 24, 2021
Mature
Jules Hart returns to the psychiatric ward, her life has fallen apart once again. She had it under control. Or was it all just her imagination? She encounters trials and tribulations with her eating disorder recovery, being forced into situations like no other; ending in painful repercussions and unhealthy coping mechanisms. After deciding she no longer wants help, Jules escapes the psychiatric ward; resulting in her attempting to take her own life. The consequence of her actions, broke Tom's heart in the process, all the while he held her sick body. Her life has led her down the path of having to recover from not only the torturous eating disorder, but the addictive self harm and torment of the suicidal ideation. Let's just hope Jules gets her happy ending...

~

"GET OFF ME! GET THE HELL OFF ME! I DON'T LIKE BEING TOUCHED! GET THE FUCK OFF ME. TOM PLEASE HELP ME. TOM! PLEASE GET THEM OFF ME. I'M SO SCARED!" Jules's fragile body was making a forceful connection with the cold and unsympathetic ground. Her bloodline exiting and tainting her body and all of the surroundings. Her painful and emotional screams echoed the white corridor, while Jules's body shook and shivered, and dizzy spells with blurry covered eyes; forced her body and mind to experience a feeling of disconnection. The fit of fear that swirled in the pit of Jules's stomach made her head jolt violently side to side, along with front and back; causing her forehead to strike the floor. 

~TW: Eating disorder, suicide and self harm mentioned throughout~
All Rights Reserved
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december relapse

11 parts Ongoing

It's for everyone. Both those that have already tried recovery and those who are still fighting. I'm here to support. All of you, all of us. Because we all matter. I'm not a professional. Not a psychologist, psychiatrist. Just an ed survivor, writing from lived experience. Skip if you find these triggering - I completely understand. I believe that we all deserve support, and much better than the world that portrays serious diseases as "success stories" or "becoming healthier, prettier." We can do better. In short, this is a series about eating disorders and everything related to them: relapses, beginnings, the process, healing, society's influence, and recovery. I write about things that affect me as a person who has, and still is struggling with this little trap in her mind that says to give up. And that's why I'm creating this. We need something else besides the constant skinny obsession, don't we? Even if you decide not to read any of the chapters - I get it. If you don't agree with my point of view that I share in this project, that's alright. I'm not trying to convince anyone to my mind. I'm trying to let people with invisible, underrated struggles be heard, seen. And you're valid. You're enough. There're more of us. We are no longer silent. We're here for ourselves - that's already a big step toward healing. I'm not going to tell you that recovery is the same for everyone. I'm not going to tell you that people won't comment on your appearance. I'm not going to tell you that you'll always love yourself after recovery. But I am going to, at least try, to convince you that being alive is worth more than looking a certain way. You think feeling your bones is hot? You know what's more? BEING ALIVE. Healing is a process. And it's hard. But as long as you are alive, you always have a chance. I'm not one of the perfectly recovered ones. I see this trap. I've lived in it. I still do. But I'm not afraid of speaking about it - until someone finally hears me.