A Journal From a CNA

A Journal From a CNA

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WpMetadataNoticeÚltima atualização sáb, abr 17, 2021
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When I, at sixteen years old, decided to become a CNA, I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't think I would be used as a vessel from drug smuggling in a facility that ran as an undercover drug cartel. I didn't know I would be groomed by the person I looked up to most within my workplace and gaslighted to the point that I would begin to think I was crazy. I didn't know I would walk in on dead bodies, attempted murders. I didn't know I would watch my residents, once so full of life, wither away to ghosts of the people they once were. Maybe it was the trauma that made my job so undesirable. I was too young to know any better. The memories still haunt me at night.
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"There comes a point where you no longer care if there's a light at the end of the tunnel or not. You're just sick of the tunnel." - Who I am doesn't matter. How I got here doesn't matter. What matters now is I'm getting help, right? That's what they tell me here. They tell me that the road to recovery feels like a terrible butt fuck, but the fact that you're on the path to begin with, is all that matters. So as I sit in this circle of fuck ups, I realize just how different I am from them. I didn't attempt suicide because my mother was a crack addict who didn't want me. My father wasn't abusive. I didn't have a sibling die in a car accident. I was never really bullied either. I attempted suicide because, for the first time in years, I thought I had found something that could make me feel again... and after not feeling much at all for far too long, perhaps I went a bit overboard

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