Slow Burn

READ AUTHOR'S NOTE IN DESCRIPTION BEFORE READING.
(Excerpt from the prologue--I suck at descriptions)

If you asked me when I fell in love with Ryker, I wouldn't be able to tell you, but if you asked me what I loved about him, I could talk about it all day. We've known each other since kindergarten, and no one knows me better than he does. I can't say whether anyone knows him better than I do, because even 15 years later, it seems like I learn new things about him every day. I know about the heart shaped birthmark on his chest, right above his actual heart, and I know all of his insecurities. The one thing I swear I'll never know is how he truly feels about me.
He touches me as if he loves me, and he swears that I'll always have a part of his heart, regardless of how small it might seem. I question everyday if he means that, and seeing him with other women will always hurt me. I'd give him anything he asked of me, but deep down, I know that when he says the same he doesn't mean it. Even if he thinks he does mean it. Maybe in the moment he does. But do words mean anything when actions never change?
I don't believe in soul mates, and if it weren't for him, I wouldn't believe in love either. He's a hopeless romantic, and it doesn't take much for him to fall head over heels. At one point in time, I used to be the same way. One kiss from him changed that, and it wasn't even supposed to mean anything; we were high and playing spin the bottle at his best friend's sixteenth birthday party.
It wasn't supposed to mean anything, and yet-to me, it was everything.
I only wish it were the same for him.

Author's Note: intended for mature audiences and has sexual scenes, along with mental illness depictions (Astrid has borderline personality disorder and self harms). No self harm scenes (ew, who does that in 2021???). I don't recommend reading this if you are uncomfortable with any of these things.