The Exurox

Excerpt from The Exurox [Egg-zu-rocks]

xvx

"In an episodic fashion I exist solely to exist.

I exist at 5am when the daze of the previous hours is melting into my overall confusion. Due to heightened sensibilities making it truly difficult to focus whilst in the actual moment. The filtering process is normally painless; a mere recap of the utmost mundane facts; how my day went, what I had for lunch, how many steps did it take to reach Oxford Comma from both directions and so on.

It often ends in under an hour. More often than I should, I prolong the process; with every headway it becomes ever more surly, nevertheless I persist.

Admittedly that time would've been better squandered on more pressing issues; the escalating mounds of laundry and assignments, completing that project I started, prepping for the day ahead, or simply tending the garden. Surely anything but the torment of such reencounters and the acrid conviction that it's more than warranted, unarguably anything else would've been better.

The thing is this. In the dead air of early daybreak, whilst the world is still at a nocturnal standstill, unaware of me as I am somewhat of it; it alters slightly. It is no longer it's usually shade of menace and mayhem. No unjust foe to pluck me from my bed just to thrust mean comments down my throat. To knock my books from my hands. To go out of their way just to avoid brushing against me. There's only me, and the cool air, and fixed dynamics; injured and injuring, perceptible yet unnoticed, daunted yet sort of persisting.

In that hiatus of time the past is mine and exists in a vacuum of its normal characteristics. I'm no longer anticipating the 'ahead' but assessing the 'behind'. Yesterday either dilutes as a mere bother or it was cruel. Or as nothing, not even the slightest whisper of animosity. Leaving behind no remains of itself.

xvx

Tridale Mc.

26/04/19

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