Story cover for my notes about him.. by Addisonfuckoff
my notes about him..
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En cours d'écriture, Publié initialement mai 21, 2021
I am still confused on why things had to end this way.. we could have fixed it i don't even know your true feelings still.. and I wished u noticed how much effort I put in for "us" even tho we didn't get that far Iloveyou. I know I never really told u but you were my last hope Ik you gotta girl now so ima just say congrats she's so lucky to have you. I hope she makes you happier then I could maybe one day it could be me again.. you don't even know how much I hate myself for losing you you were my damn light to my darkness.. I loved you to death I really mean it/: Look Ik u probably don't care about what I say but I just wanna let yk that I still love you and I hate myself for that because u put me in so much Pain But no matter what I do I will always love you I miss u and I wish that we could go back to when u did feel the same way about me but.. I'm starting to realize you never felt the same way I did for u, ig u were using me but tbh id rather be used and still be able to talk to u But now you moved on from me u left me broken and in so much pain I fucking hate you and I wish I never met you but I also wish..That u came back, and I'm sorry for not being enough for u stay, and tbh I was just a other boy on your phone but to me u where so much more I lost everything because of you but you never cared about my Danm feelings but that's ok I will always still be there for u if u need me I just wanted to say one last thing I love you and always will have a place for you in my heart even tho you broke me like no one ever could/:
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"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight. Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his. I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.
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