My life now and so on never ending

Im now 13 years old and i am an over weight child. A little after 6th grade i began to cut.every day of my life was a night mars i hated bathing suit shopping everything was for tiny girls. And 4 weeks ago i cut my thumb open with my blade. It hurt like hell. Before the seventh grade my parents were doing just fine still in love. It hit like a storm i founf my dads hiddden weed while it was unknown to me that my mom was on drugs meaning prescription drugs. I told my family I need a mental hospital. They refused.

Not only did my mom have an affair with my uncle she used me as her puching bag so she could throw her hate towards me. I began to struggle getting along with her until now. The uncl she was having an affair with i doon founf out was a rapits and only raped little boys. I cried my eyes out.

My life felt so delicate i wanted to break it like a porceline doll. I took two medicene cup fulls of benadryl for allergies to try to make me sleep permanantley. It didnt work.