I am a tomboy. Well, not really, but I kind of am one. To my parents, I dress like a dude, talk like a dude, and even act like a dude. To my boyfriend, I dress like a girl, talk like a girl, and definitely act like a girl.
Why would I do that? Well, it is complicated. The truth is I do it because my father told me that I am not allowed to have a boyfriend ever since I was in kindergarten. The rule hasn't changed, though, because, even now that I am seventeen years old, he never stops reminding me that I am still not permitted to have a boyfriend.
That is why I decided that I would act like a tomboy in front of him and act like a girl in front of my friends. As soon as my parents's car pulls away from the school's parking lot, I am already making my way to the restroom, where I change into what will actually be my outfit for the day. Complicated? Probably. Worth it? Definitely.
When I was young, I always was that boy that was misunderstood. I would be the one with the girly voice. I was timid. I was the one who would want the boys to chase me, threatening me with a kiss, not the girls. I was the one who didn’t understand why I was this way. As I entered middle school, I felt it come more often. Seeing the guys in gym or feel them smack me on the butt teasingly, I didn’t want to just be friendly, I wanted to be more than friends. I was still so confused. It was only lonely days then. Now I am in high school, I am a junior. I fully understand what I am. I don’t like it. I want to like girls so badly. I am just not normal. I try to stay out of the scene. He gives me confidence. He may not know me, but I am destined to try. He is fully open about his sexuality. Everyone knows of the monster that is inside of his mind. I know it has taunted him for years. I want to be like him. I want to let everyone know what I am, so I can attract more like me. But even more than that, I want him. I want Camden. I want him so bad it pains me to be in his presence and not hug him. I want him so bad.