IN LOVE WITH A RAPPER

IN LOVE WITH A RAPPER

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WpMetadataReadMatureOngoing18m
WpMetadataNoticeLast published Sun, Aug 8, 2021
It all started as a game. I really couldn't imagine things will turn out this way. I really wish certain things didn't happen the way they did. I feel like I didn't do everything, like I was supposed to. That makes me feel sorry for myself. Sorry because I feel I didn't do what had to be done. Sorry because I ended up not doing everything I wanted to do. I should've. Perharps then... things would have been different. Will never know anyway. But here I am.. trying to figure out, what my next move will be. It should be forward... I'll move forward. Because, that's what winners do. And Guess what? I'm a winner. I may not have won his heart... But I won a lesson. One i will remember forever. I learned it the hard way... but the right way.
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"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight. Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his. I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.

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