Broken - I'm (Not) Fine - Wattpad

Broken

_running_mascara_

Reads 2,754
Votes 116
Parts 27
Time 2h 48m

Reads 2,754
Votes 116
Parts 27
Time 2h 48m

_running_mascara_

angry anxiety bleed cry cut depression embarrassed hate help invisible life love pain pathetic relief sad scared swollen tears unwanted

Tears.

I watch them fall to my bare knees and slide down my shins. I wiped the never ending waterfall streaming down my cheeks, smearing my mascara over my face. But I didn't care. I cleared the guck from my eyes, noticing the small and fresh cuts on my wrists. 

Pain.

I knew I didn't deserve it. But it was the only way-the only way to deal with this ongoing pain, anger, sadness that consumed me. I had been fighting it for years. And it finally caught me-and it's destroying me. 

Love.

That's all I need. Someone who cares. I've been degraded my entire life. By my mother, my father, hell even my sister. Why? Because I care too much. Always making sure everyone else is okay when it's eating me away inside. Maybe if someone, even a stranger just showed me the slightest bit of love or showed me that they actually gave a damn about my existance, then maybe-just maybe, I would be able to go to bed without softly crying myself to sleep.

Please.
Someone?
Anyone?
Help-


Me.All Rights Reserved

angry anxiety bleed cry cut depression embarrassed hate help invisible life love pain pathetic relief sad scared swollen tears unwanted

27 parts

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A Broken Optimist by mybookobsession_

She's a lost soul, searching for Froot Loops in a world of Cheerios. Emotions. Inflicted by words, Creating signals to connect those emotions. A pang in your heart, the dull ache of love, a tedious, meaningless thing to some. The entire thing to others. Confusing, at the least. All consuming, at the most. We bundle it inside, Hide it in boxes, In the deepest crevices of our persona, Then suddenly, it burst free, tumbling into the atmosphere, filling every hour, every moment. Words convey it. Words share it. Through words, our emotions are liberated. Disclaimer: I wrote this throughout the course of a year. It had its ups and it's down in emotion. It ends on a happy note, I think. It has some overdramatic things in which my past self annoys me sometimes. But it also has some good pieces of thought. The world sucks. I can't promise that it's not going to suck, Because it probably always will. But there will be times Where the good in the world Makes it suck a little less.

The Days With No Sun by hello-no-one

Sometimes we fear truth over reality. But things get dark and heavy and we play the blame game. We end up hurting others or ourselves even. We don't think before we act or we don't say before we do. This is the evolution of my madness. A cluster of rants and thoughts and poems for you guys. Everything is written how I wanted it to be rants will be long with few pauses and there will be mistakes I might have skipped over. Aha. Poems at the beginning from when I was 15 years old to now when Im 18. Truly a visual of my writing evolution. Edited by @ChemicalStarling who writes a lot but never posts! Read on, loves. I'll see you on the other side...

the suicide mind by Dileyne18xo

"and you left me with bad habits like cracking my knuckles and wearing your sweater because the smell of you still lingers. you left me chewing at the skin of my skin on my lips because maybe just maybe if it's gone the taste of you will be too, but the problem is i can't tear off my skin. so i'm left with the shivers down my spine when my body remembers your hands running up my back as you kissed me and it paralyzes me because i miss it. i miss you. i miss smiling between kisses because damn you just made me happy and I thought I made you just as happy because you would smile and whisper "what" but i would just shake my head and pull you close and it was real. it was. all of it. so why did you leave me? why?"

Stale Words by Norscality

𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚕𝚎 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜 is an ongoing book and collection of poems and sonnets made by me, inspired by my thoughts, dreams, and personal experiences. As someone who lives with depression and anxiety, a lot of my thoughts are bound to not be very pleasant. But hey, some of them are quite philosophical and positive. But that's rare. Join me on my journey through sadness, happiness, curiosity, mystery, and so much more. I was inspired to make a collection of my poems, and I decided to just do it. Also, you should know that I will try to crack jokes or be funny in my serious poems. It's just how I am. Another thing, I do enjoy making things rhyme. Btw, some poems are going to be much better than others. My brain just works strangely. I also really hope my writing doesn't offend anyone. If it does, I do deeply apologize. I'm mainly just doing this all for myself. Just wanna get all my words saved somewhere. If my humor or anything else offends you, I am deeply sorry for that. Sometimes I just have no clue what I'm saying. I just type what's in my mind. Ps, this is not a cry for help. I'm doing fine, but I have dark thoughts. I can't help it. And to the person who a lot of these poems are based on, I am genuinely sorry. I never wish to write this type of stuff about anyone. This is just how I'm dealing with the pain you caused me. I know you'll never see this, but still. I hate being so hateful. That was always your thing.

Secret Mind ✓ by sadlyish

"She's right! She's right! I don't cut in the right spot." My hold tightens on my wrist. The red blood oozes out of my wrist. I slide up and grab my bag and run out of the bathroom. I don't care if people can see the blood I just want to get out. I race for the doors and shove through people. I earn a lot of glares and glances that read "weirdo." I ignore and push. I run to my house and lock myself in my bathroom. I don't bother closing the front door cause I don't care if people come in to kill me. I grab my razor and cut deep cuts into my arm and wrists falling into a pool of my own blood. • • • Evangeline has a great life. Friends? Check! Good grades? Check! Loving family? Check! But what if she has secrets that nobody knows of? What if the only thing she can trust is her secret diary? What if slowly but surly she's dying inside? How can an innocent twelve year old deal with these problems? Will she keep on facing these problem till the day she breaks. Her school burns down forcing her into a different school to meet different people and she has to fit into a different lifestyle as well. Meet Evangeline. Now at 17 years of age in a new high school. Not all girls anymore. No uniform. Meet Drake. Your classic bad-boy. He just moved to Saint Abigail high school. He is assigned partners with the quiet, calm, unnoticed Evangeline. As time progresses he finds that she isn't as happy on the inside as she is on the outside. Can he save her? Or is it too late? • • • Some rude language. Depression and cutting. Don't say I didn't warn you. Okay, I wrote this at the start of this year (may 2016) and I had very poor writing skills. This book hasn't been edited and the whole idea is cliche so I wouldn't recommend you read it but I'm not stopping you, either. Read at your own risk. • • • Copyright © 2017 by -moonlust. All rights reserved.

Broken Promise////Billie Eilish by chocolatey_love

"But you said! you told me you love me!" I yelled at her tears streaming down my face. She looks at me and shrugs smiling, "I didn't mean it. I was just playing around. Wanted to know what it was like. And you know I love him." "You wrote it! 'If I love you was a promise would you break it if your honest' it was a promise! you can't break a promise!" I sob out clenching the end of my shirt tightly. "How old are you? Fucking 10? Promises are made to be broken. At least I'm being true to staying honest. Wake up y/n, this is reality. I'm not even gay! I was just curious." She says rolling her eyes. "So you chose me to play with? To hurt? You think my feelings aren't valid just because I'm a lesbian? So you play with my feelings! You're just a selfish bitch! I fucking hate you Billie!" I yell unable to control my emotions anymore. "Okay? Well if that was it, I'm leaving. Brandon's waiting for me in the car." She says with a laugh. I look up to met her ocean eyes filled with amusement and accomplishment. I look at her with disgust and walk away. Away from her, hopefully forever.

Finding Purpose (+18) ✔️ by ZaynismRules

***this book contains suicidal thoughts and tendencies, may not be appropriate for younger audiences*** In which she looks for the purpose of life. Lily Carter's parents died in a car crash leaving her and Laura, girl was depressed long before her parents passed away and with all the problems turning up now, Lily felt more miserable - if that's even possible. With her journey to look for life's purpose and grab the small pinch of HOPE - which is ironically her second name -, will she finally snap at the pressure and finally end it all? or will a small light lit her darkened world of grief and loneliness? * "So you know. The little goth girl who gets bullied is indeed a mess. There's this mess in her head that eats her alive everyday isn't it? What to do now Kaden? Tell the whole neighborhood and recieve an award for taking out a crazy in this world?" I spit like vomit. His eyes warmed up as I finished, "Lily. It isn't like that" "What is it then? People stopped caring... they gave up, why aren't you?" I fought my tears. "Because I feel the need to care. Did Leigh hurt you? Did she hit you?" he finally noticed the unusual redness of my cheek. I don't like the way he told me he needed to care for me. I felt like an obligation, a responsibility that he is carrying and carrying leads to getting tired and when people gets tired, they give up. I don't want them to give up on me. But they will, so it's good not to make them care for me in the first place. "I never needed anyone. I stopped needing anyone before, why start now?" I uttered the words again. Why? There is nothing to fight for. No mama. No papa. No sister to love me. No one. So why would I waste my life and the time of others to fix what is already broken - and someone who doesn't want to be fixed? If I may add. Maybe I gave up. No, scratch that. I gave up a long time ago - when my parents died, my hope and purpose went away with them.

I had so much left to say by Froggy_________

I let the tears fall down my cheeks, The gnawing pain in my chest only grew until it was too much for me to take. I reached into my bedside table and pulled out a small blade. I wanted the pain gone, I needed it gone. I opened the small pocket knife and slid it across my stomach. The pain in my chest was gone but the sickening feeling of what I had just done to myself brought a new pain that I knew was never going away, one that I deserved one that I inflicted on myself. I wiped away my tears and cleaned the stinging cut and placed a band aid on it so it would stop bleeding. That's when I heard a voice in my head telling me that it wasn't enough, telling me that one cut wasn't enough. Deep down I knew that the voice was right that the sharp pain in my chest was coming back and I wouldn't have just one cut on my stomach. (A/N This is not for the faint of heart this does include Cussing and Self harm. So you should be ready. ⚠️‼️Art isn't mine if you like it I found it on Pinterest Name➡️ "RF Pangborn" there are is so good and it's so expressive go look at there account I immediately fell in love fr. I rushed this book and wasn't really committed to it.😣

In The Dark by Brooklyngirl1026

People always say, 'There's no reason to be depressed.' or 'what do you have to be depressed about.' alot of the times its, 'you seem fine to me.' yes, I do seem fine, but I'm breaking underneath the surface. They don't see behind the mask we all hold up. 'Everyone gets these feelings.' yes they do, but some are worse than others, yet its pain nonetheless. They don't understand what goes through our minds when we do things they think is crazy, like cutting. They don't understand that when we look in a mirror, we hate what we see. Or when you cry yourself to sleep at night for reasons that are still unknown to you. Those feelings of sadness, loneliness, desperation, anxiety. Those fears of being abandoned by the ones you love the most, or being a burden because you're sharing your feelings. They don't understand..... But I do. This book is for all those people that feel even one of these. You are not alone. *TRIGGER WARNINGS*

The Way We Used to Be by TVDfanforInfinity

I lost my mom at 11, that's when it started. My dad became a drunk and I was left to take care of my 3-month-old baby sister. Now I'm 23, graduated a few years ago and my sister, now 12, can understand what happened. She never fully understood when I needed someone to and I didn't have many friends that stuck around afterwards. Until I met him. We were friends first, then the feelings got deeper. He asked me to be his girlfriend. He was my first kiss, first date, first real friend, first love, everything. I loved him and I do. I've said it. Now all we do is fight. I don't know why we can't figure things out, but I can't take this fighting. I just want things to go back to the way things were. The way we used to be... Happy, carefree teens that pretended we had the whole world figured out.

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Slide 1 of 10

A Broken Optimist cover

The Days With No Sun cover

the suicide mind cover

Stale Words cover

Secret Mind ✓ cover

Broken Promise////Billie Eilish cover

Finding Purpose (+18) ✔️ cover

I had so much left to say cover

In The Dark cover

The Way We Used to Be cover

A Broken Optimist

She's a lost soul, searching for Froot Loops in a world of Cheerios. Emotions. Inflicted by words, Creating signals to connect those emotions. A pang in your heart, the dull ache of love, a tedious, meaningless thing to some. The entire thing to others. Confusing, at the least. All consuming, at the most. We bundle it inside, Hide it in boxes, In the deepest crevices of our persona, Then suddenly, it burst free, tumbling into the atmosphere, filling every hour, every moment. Words convey it. Words share it. Through words, our emotions are liberated. Disclaimer: I wrote this throughout the course of a year. It had its ups and it's down in emotion. It ends on a happy note, I think. It has some overdramatic things in which my past self annoys me sometimes. But it also has some good pieces of thought. The world sucks. I can't promise that it's not going to suck, Because it probably always will. But there will be times Where the good in the world Makes it suck a little less.