Ruined Fairy Tales

My story was supposed to go differently. I was supposed to be kidnapped by an evil villain, saved by a handsome prince, and to live happily every after. The last thing I expected was for some lunatic prince to steal me right out of my castle, or to end up in the arms of a not-so-evil sorcerer and his talking cat.
No amount of damsel-in-distress training could have prepared me for this absolute mess of a fairytale.