Funny Jokes
- Reads 80
- Votes 4
- Parts 1
When it comes
to candy bars, the term fun-sized
is misleading. There is nothing fun about your candy bar being ⅛ the size of a regular bar. You should call them what they are:
“disappointment-sized.”
Looking at your textbook and thinking... What a waste of trees!?
Hitting your hip on a corner and thinking you've been shot!
Dear Microsoft Word, I am pretty sure i spelled my name correctly.
What do you mean 4 minute shower!? It takes me 4 minutes to get the water to the right temperature!
If you wake me up by turning on all the lights, there's a 100% chance that I have 10 different ways to kill you!
I do what I want, whenever I want, Wherever I want, with whoever I want....... If my mom lets me.
Dear teacher I talk to everyone. Moving my seat will not help.
I love sleeping, but I never want to go to bed early.
When I'm bored nobody texts me but when I'm busy... BAM still, nobody texts me.
Ways to die: Steal my food
H.O.M.E.W.O.R.K.- Half Of My Energy Wasted On Random Knowledge
School- 1+2=3Homework- 1+2+8=11Test- If Timmy had 8 apples and gave away 2, calculate the Sun's mass
Teacher: Must Be 3-5 SentencesStudent: Yea, I'm only writing 3...
Not sure if my parents wanted kids or slaves...
That awkward moment when you are yelling at someone and you mess up a word and it ruins the seriousness.
5 minutes of extra sleep in the morning seriously does matter.
What is it called when your crush likes you back.......... Your Imagination
Don't lie... We all stand in the shower and make the water run down our arm so it looks like water is shooting out of our fingertips.
Waking up from a great dream and trying to fall asleep again so you can continue the dream...
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The Mad House Is Where I Belong
I like inflicting pain. Not on others but on myself. Some people would call me depressed but I'm not. If anything the pain makes me happy. I started "self harming" at the mere age of nine. Or at least, that's what she called it. My therapist, I mean. She ended up giving me a life time supply of antidepressants and some shitty advice. I'm now eighteen, rotting in jail, and awaiting my death sentence. This is my story and if I'm quite honest, you don't want to hear it. +++ awards: ➵ Winner, Short Story Category, "Summer Book Awards" @Capybara100 ➵ Overall Winner, "Summer Book Awards" @Capybara100 status: ➵ started - 19/08/17 ➵ finished- 07/11/18 note: ➵ Please don't copy me. I don't appreciate it and will block you and report you. No writer likes to be copied and neither do readers. Readers want something which is unique and original.Complete
I can't stand you.
COMPLETED!!! here's a snip bit ! "Hey Belle" he said with a cheeky smile. I look up and give him the fakest smile i can put on "did my constant harasser also become my stalker?" i said referring to him saying my name before looking back at my computer. He sat down next to me. "Not a stalker or a harasser just an acquaintance" he said before continuing "also i got your name from your friend, also let her know i do not want her please and thank you" he said before getting up "she doesn't want you either" i responded not moving my eyes from the screen "definitely not what she said last night" he said flashing me a smile which i rolled my eyes to. I was sincerely praying he was grabbing his stuff to go so i wouldn't have another interaction with him, but of course not. His friend left and he came back and sat by me. "I'm trying to do homework can you please go somewhere else" i said in a heavily annoyed tone. "See i would, but one i think you like me too much to actually want me to leave" he said before i cut him off "i don't" he laughed before continuing "this next part is really gonna suck then" he said pausing obviously waiting for a reaction out of me which i don't give him. "fine. you're no fun. we have to schedule our tutoring times" he said before nudging me "i'm your first student to tutor surprise!" he said in a tone that i can only describe as annoying because that's all he is, is annoying. I look up at his face that's gleaming with joy purely because i'm annoyed.Complete
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( Book Two of the Love Series | I don't recommend as a standalone, but can be read as one. I tried my best to provide information that was missed from the other book.) A phrase like 'I love you' is something people don't mean. They don't put their heart into that statement. They don't say it with promise. The looseness in the meaning those four letters held made my heart doubt their commitment. You can love your mom. Love your best friend. Love the way a hot shower feels after a long day. Love a man who cheats on you. So yeah, go ahead and say you love me...See how far that gets you. ~~ Knox's eyes raised to meet mine, "Tell me what you want from me." I breathe heavily as my mind clouds with pleasure. Leaning up a little, I motion for him to come closer. He obliged as I wrap an arm around his neck, pressing my forehead to his. He was about to kiss me again, but I gave a soft tug to the side causing him to fall to the bed. A rush of air left him as he lay flat on his back now. Taking advantage of the shock that delayed his response, I tossed my leg over his waist as I settled myself on top of him. Knox sat up a little on his elbows, letting out a groan as I shifted my hips over his. "I want," I leaned down, smiling in satisfaction as he allowed me to press him further into the bed, "For you to sit back and let me use you to get myself off." I was inches from his ear now, "Would you let me do that?" Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a smirk making its way onto his face. Knox raised his hips slightly pulling another moan from me, "Use me for whatever you desire, sweetheart." Sealing it with a kiss to my neck. ~~ Unedited Version. Current word count: ~ 30k+ (not all has been published)
My Best friends Ex
How would you describe Candice Parker? Well, everyone calls her Candy for starters. But she's not always sweet. She can be manipulative and plain rude sometimes, but I love her anyway, at least... I thought I did. Well anyway, she's as independent as a wild horse and as elegant as one too. All the lads fall head over heels for her but she ends us messing them around anyway, never been able to stick to one boy for over a week and naturally I haven't been able to get one for myself because all the hot ones are either one of her next victims or previous ones. She's as complicated as algebra but as easier to remember than anything else. My bestfriend.... My other best friend is Wesley green. Wes is one of the hottest lads in my school and he doesn't even know it. I think it's what makes him so irresistible to girls, even though he isn't the type to go around screwing every one that sent him a cheeky wink. I've known him since I was 5 and he's always been kind and considerate unlike lots of the lads I know that just want girls for fun, unlike the lads Candy usually pulls. He refuses to date her because he knows exactly what she's like. He walkes me to classes and we go to the cinema and he's a real sweet heart. Do I like him as more than a friend? Urm... No, I wouldn't say so... And then there's me. Where Wes and Candy are popular, I am most definitely not. I am that quiet shy girl that has only one or two friends and enjoys to read and do other things in her spare time but is still awesome enough to do everything a normal teenager does. However, this year took me by surprise, how? Enter Wade, schools quiet hottie who lives alone in the apartment above his parents pub. He's charming and kind and takes Natasha in when she was feeling down. The one problem is... he's one of Candy's ex's. Will he change Tasha's life or will he just be an addition to her small group of friends.Complete
Sam: 'Let's have a private chat and no one will come to know.' Aims: 'What do you mean?! :P' Sam: 'I mean you get me high and make me explode and no one has to know.' Aims: 'Okay.....let's start. Are you nude?' My life has been through........ Not really it has not been through anything dramatic except one accident that threw me out of my ex-school and sends me away to another town. So right now what am I doing? I am chatting with one of the present student of my ex-school, Sam. He is the guy I never got to know when I was in school; and now apparently I know a lot about him. He has a thing for sex but he actually is a virgin! You can say a desperate one. People say that there is one turn in everyone's life which changes everything. True! But not in my case; this is my story. With a lot of twist, turns, fights, kisses, slaps, dance, jealousy, drama, cat fights, parties and everything a teenage life has. But the only thing is, there were a lot of these emotions running around freely in the hallway, apparently I was the one to put them into correct lockers. Friends change everything in you. You can share anything with them, everything with them. My best friend changed me, made me see who I was (a total bitch) until now I was going back to her, to change her, to put her into her correct place; with me. Let's just say, it all started when my aunt came to me for a favor.......... © All Rights Reserved.
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