I've had this account for a really long time and throughout it, I've created many stories while I was in different stages of my life. I don't expect anyone to genuinely read this since this will completely showcase my vulnerable side in a way I have never liked to admit. However, this is dedicated to my last relationship, one that means the most to me as of right now. In this book belongs all of my most precious thoughts, feelings, sadness, and growth that will arise from everything that I am currently feeling.
This relationship lasted for almost a year, but if you counted the beginning of the talking phase, I suppose it has been a little over a year now. Many things went well during this relationship, but many things also went wrong. In here, there will be moments of strength and moments of weakness; this will be my journal to help me in this journey.
I do not believe my ex will read this, but in case he ever does, here is a simple message for him: B., if you choose to read through this, I hope you understand all that will come with this. I can't ever thank you enough for how well you've always treated me and shown me pure, genuine love from the beginning. I understand why we broke up and why we weren't going to work out now. We rushed many things and we are both still young and immature, so maybe a relationship wasn't the best. Truthfully, I know deep down I will always love you and that I may be in love with you for a long time. However, I will always want what is best for you, and if that's not me right now, I have to respect that and grow from this. Maybe one day, if fate and the world naturally falls into place, we can revisit our love again if we both decide it's worth fighting for. I do have a small hope for it one day to occur, but I don't expect it, so please don't be mistaken this as a desperate love letter to bring you back right now and please don't make fun of this, which for the record, I don't think you will lol.
Being in love with your best friend isn't the ideal life situation but for Zora, it's her only life situation. Secretly harboring her feelings for her best friend, Sierra, Zora pours her emotions into her journal in the form of poetry. After years of keeping her attraction for her friend at bay and trying to deny her feelings by forcing herself to love a boy who unconditionally loves her, Zora's favorite emotional outlet becomes the cause of her life falling apart as the truth finally comes out.
*****
It was happening again. It was dark, sunset, I waited for her to be done with volleyball practice 'because she was my ride'. Somehow we wandered from the gym to the football field and we were sitting at the very top of the bleachers staring at each other.
Her dark hair mirrored the direction of the wind, the setting sun being replaced by the brightness of her smile. We were sitting so close I could feel her warmth. It was an unusual situation. Friends don't do this. We held eye contact for a long time before I couldn't take it anymore and just closed my eyes. It wasn't real, she was just my friend.
Then, I felt her tuck a strand of my curly hair behind my ear. That with the chill of the night sent shivers down my spine and a swarm of butterflies attacked my stomach. I reopened my eyes. If she didn't want me, why did she look at me that way? I held her hand and I held it for so long because I didn't know if we'd have another moment like this.
We talk and laugh and she tells me I'm pretty and I ask her if she'd just noticed that and we laugh again. I realize the feelings I felt in that moment were not just the intense feelings of attraction that I felt every time I was with her. Warmth flooded to my face and if it wasn't for my dark complexion, my blush would be noticeable. I look into her dark-colored eyes and I come to the conclusion that I'm royally fucked and I'm probably also in love.