The pretty little voice of mine

I have this voice in my head. It's not like another person or a demon. It's my voice and I'm screaming at myself for basically everything I do. I yell at my self for eating and not jogging the whole 2 minutes in P.E. I mean it's sad that a can't jog for 2 minutes straight.
The voice hates me and I know it. I hate me too. But of corse the voice is me so I guess I put all the bad things about me in a voice then repeat it back later.
The voice (as I have so sweetly named mini Abbey) doesn't only tell me that I'm fat and unless. She tells me to kill myself. I want to. I want to so bad. I'd love to just fall asleep and never wake back up. The only reason I'm still alive is because of my friend. I love him. He loves me. I don't want him to die. I know that if I kill myself he will too.
So I'll just continue to fake a smile, tell my friends they're beautiful, and listen to that pretty little voice of mine.