A walk in my shoes.
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- Parts 1
I had a normal beginning to my childhood, for the most part. I played out with friends. I had a mother and a father that love me, for the main part showing affection. We had swimming lessons ( me and my older sister). At Christmas and birthdays presents were presented with smiles and affection, until I had to make a decision. Well, I didn't really get a choice. I got forced into perceiving life with my mother. This is how it went. All the highs, lows and repercussions for my undying life changing actions. My story is not for the light-hearted. However sharing this is calming you know, no fear, no judgement, no torment and finally no feeling that I'm being consumed by my own mindless thoughts. No longer trapped in surviving but being able to live. In my life there are no heroes, no villains. As heroes save and villains kill. I couldn't even save myself until the end. So I guess that makes me the villain, right?
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He had rules for a reason, or thats what he said. I did something wrong I got punished. I spoke out of turn, I got punished. I looked at him or ate without permission, I got punished. Haven thats what they named me funny isn't it? Ironic really. They named me Haven because my mom would say I was her 'Safe Haven'. What a pile of shit that was. She left willingly, she didn't depart because of some tragic accident. My father didn't kill her. She left because she was a coward who didn't want kids. As soon as my older brother went to college she left. I knew she hated me. I was the product of her love with another man. A constant reminder that her life didn't work out the way it was planned. He who ever he was is a phantom in its own. A deep rooted fantasy never going to come true. My brother left, my mother left, my grandma ignored, and my father broke. They let me give up hope on escaping and then decided to play hero. But I haven't forgotten everything I went through. Guilt consumes my brother but I don't care, you don't get to leave and then buy a reprieve of trying to save someone who has been dead for years. Besides lets just be honest I reached my breaking point long ago.
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