Help me figure this out.

I started out just as an air-headed kid, walking around in the sun, listening to music in my free time. Nineteen years old, but still lost in her stories. Three stories that started out as daydreams, that later I wanted to publish in pages of paper and ink and sell one day-to finally achieve something great. To make it on a best seller list one day.
To see my name printed. To finally have done something worthwhile.
One night, under the stars as I daydreamed, my life completely changed when I had an encounter with my biggest fear.
Months later, I tried to become a Christian.
And here I am, three years later, traumatized when I tried my best to find that sense of serenity-that life of peace that I saw in everyone else's my entire life.
I got anything but.
I know most of what happened, now, after I finally learned to tell the truth.
But I never thought that being a Christian would mean so much more than just going to church and smiling;

Here is my testimony.
Help me figure this out.