Finding Hope
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- Parts 2
Ongoing6m
Last published Wed, Sep 8, 2021
I don't know what to do now. I can feel the panic flutter in my chest as I take in a sharp breath. I swear my brain is rapid-firing every anxious thought I've ignored for the past 4 years. I don't know what I'm doing now. I thought I had everything planned. In reality, I was in denial the whole time. And now I'm lost. I was supposed to build something for my life. I was supposed to get out. I filled my head with a fantasy of how great my life could be. But it was all my imagination. So stupid. I was so stupid. How could I fuck things up this badly?
I spent my whole life listening to what other people want. Trying to please everyone else. Trying not to be a burden. Now as I sat at my desk, space heater cooking my legs, I felt angry staring at the screen on my laptop. I had been misguided by the notions of others. I let my life be controlled by the desires of others.
And what about me?
Should I have known better? What could I have done?
It seemed at that moment like my best wasn't enough.
My life had been going in every direction but the right one. Upon completing my last year of my undergraduate degree I had to decide what my next career move should be after finishing school. I was in a battle with my worst self and trying to come out on top. And more than that, I was never really sure I would find my own happy ending. I wasn't even sure what a happy ending could mean for me. That was until I met him. When he came into my life it gave me hope. I was meant to find my path and that's exactly what I did.
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~Trust Me ~
"I want a divorce." And just hearing him say that my whole world that seemed to revolve around him stopped. Gathering myself I barely managed to speak in a voice that even I could not recognise. I couldn't comprehend anything going around me. "Wh..hy?" As soon as the words left my mouth he threw the file and the photographs spread across the floor. And those photographs had me in compromising positions with not one but several men. Looking at those photos I looked straight into his eyes. Disgust and hatred. The only emotions I could see. Taking a deep breath I composed myself and tried to keep my face void of the emotions I felt at that moment. Hurt and immense pain. If he didn't trust me then he has no right to see me vulnerable too. "Is this the only reason why you want to divorce me? No other except this?" It was foolish of me to ask him but I had to make sure. Also for me trust comes before love. If he doesn't trust me I don't even want to save the relationship. "Is this not enough you whore? What else can I expect from a slut and a gold digger like you! I knew it from the start that all you showed was just a facade. Your innocence, kindness, it was all fake. I just don't believe how can I be so dumb." Was I hurt? No I was broken beyond repair. My heart ached. I felt like I was seconds away from collapsing. I had far exceeded the limit of hurt and pain. I was so powerless in that moment that I couldn't even fight with him. Love makes you strong. I have heard and felt that countless times but they always forget to mention what comes after that. Love makes you weak too. I couldn't shout at him because I loved him. But I had to be brave. For myself. ************************************************** Is love enough for two people to be together or is there something more important than love? This is story of Xander and Sophie who loved each other but still couldn't be together. Because more important than love is trust. © All rights reservedComplete![A Genius In Love [COMPLETED] [EDITING]](https://img.wattpad.com/cover/83955574-256-k169753.jpg)
A Genius In Love [COMPLETED] [EDITING]
It wasn't necessarily the way that he would talk, even though have of the time I had to ask him what he meant. It wasn't even the way that he would try to tease me about my height even though he wasn't all that tall himself. Maybe it was the way that he would chuckle under his breath when he had to explain something to me (more than once I might add) Or maybe it was the way that he would go out of his way to meet up with me in the hallways right before my algebra class just so we could hear how the others day was going (which almost made us late to class on numerous occasions) Or maybe it was even the way that he would compliment me on the rare occasion (He had told me once that I looked beautiful with glasses even though I hated them and preferred my contacts more) It could've even been the fact that when he spotted me in the hallways and would leave his friends just to come and talk to me. Even though I would point out the fact that he left his friends, he would just smile and chuckle which would cause a blush to creep up onto my features. All I knew at the time was that I was falling in love with one of the smartest people I had known. I prayed that by some miracle the feelings would go away, even though I knew they wouldn't. After graduation, it would be a long time before we crash into each other again. If I would've known that I would find him again in the future, I would've prepared myself better. But as I stood there, staring into those blue eyes of his, I knew that I had fallen in love with him all over again. ((Also none of the pictures are mine, all credit goes to the original artists))Complete
Jesse's Redemption (manxman /werewolf || #lgbt)
Sequel to Want You Back. ******** For every action, there's a reaction. Too bad Jesse learned the hard way. His actions, his careless words, took something precious from his family. Broke his family. Is there any way to redeem himself? He doesn't believe so. But he does everything he possibly can to make up for what he's done. **** Being Eric Moore Hardcore Pornstar. That was easy. I knew what was expected of me. Then everything changed. Changes, things I don't understand. Questions I couldn't answer. Then there's Jesse. My mate. But how can I be a mate when I don't have a wolf. I mean I'm not sure if I did. Why don't I have a connection like everyone else. I wish everyone would forget I did the special things. It's not like I liked it. I just didn't want to be punished. I wish I wasn't a kid trapped in a grown up's body. I wish Jesse would love me. I wish he didn't hate himself. Wishes upon wishes. Will they ever come true?Complete
Tough Love (Completed)
"Will be there in 20?" The message from Dean reads. My brain says I should text back saying 'I will rip your balls off if you come over' or 'I am not a sex toy, you could come over and use me as and when you please' or at least a simple 'No'. But I don't. I squat next to my bed and pull out the white powder to numb the pain. I told myself that I am done with Dean and I am going to get my life back together. I cleaned up, battled withdrawals and even improved my grades. One text from him and I am snorting coke. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I let Dean treat me like trash? Why do I set myself up knowing that it's only a matter of time before he will run back to Sherley leaving me in limbo? Why? l have asked myself the same question a million times but I couldn't come up with an answer that I can use to justify myself. When it came to Dean, I was a masochist. I let him use me and discard me without any fight. Dean was my first Friend. Kiss. Sex. Love. Everything. I wanted to be his everything too. I was his first Friend. Kiss and Sex but Love.. that was Sherley. His family chauffeur's daughter. I want to be a better human and say I didn't hate her. But I am not. I am just human and I hate her with the ferocious of a thousand sun. I hate that she plays him like a fiddle and he dances to it. I hate that they fight for silly reasons and Dean comes running to me. I hate that I let him in even when I know she will reel him back in no time. I hate that he is my weakness and Sherley is his. I wished that my best friend would turn to be my lover. But he just ripped my heart out. It time to let go and move on.Complete
Pain is Forgiveness
'....He isn't home again...why...? Doesn't he know I need him...? I mean...yeah I...did all those things...b-but that was during the moment...I-I thought they were...but they're not...they just wanted to Fuck...not...keep me warm...not help me at my lowest...but...he did...and...I need it...I need him...why isn't he here with me...? why did I waste my time with those useless fuckers than my Darling...? why did I...maybe he got lost...I'll look for him...then we can talk...and I'll fix what I broke...huh...? His door's open...wait... A girl, who swings both sides and ignores her heart A boy, Loyal and caring, love strong for his other...until she crossed the line... one saved by the other...racked with guilt and desperation, wants her 'Darling'...but... she chose to do this... (I got the Idea from someone who recommended me this, You know who you are so make yourself known, Credit to that individual for helping my stuck brain, but I'll add my own twist)
I Felt Used
"SO I WAS ONLY A BET TO YOU!" She yelled at me. "Look I'm sorry but at first it was, but then when we kiss it just change everything. I couldn't stop thinking about you after you left, then I was hurt and mad because you wouldn't give me your phone number," I was holding her hand looking at her apologetic. "You're such a dick and then you went and fuck one of those girls. I can't believe this I just knew you were mistake. I knew I shouldn't have fuck with you........you're too young and you act stupid. You know what I'm so done with you............UGH I feel so stupid," she walks away angrily.Complete
𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐌𝐞 || 𝟏𝟖+
Two broken souls in the midst of a crazy world. Two souls running away from their past. There was no light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel was cracking, slowly closing in. When these two connect, as if they were set on the same path, light creeps in through the cracks, and for or a moment, the tunnel seems to have a way out, but what if it collapses before they make it? - "You saved my life." The words come out as a whisper, I've been dying to say that. I thank god every day that he came into my life when he did. "Fuck Vivian, you don't know how much I needed you." I tear up just a little as he speaks, I don't know the last time I cried happy tears. I bring my hands up to cup his cheeks, resting my forehead against his. "No matter how much I push, I don't mean it. Please don't give up on me." My words seem to relieve him in some way as I feel his shoulders relax. "Even when I'm gone, I'll be by your side, forever." He brings his hand, sticking his pinky out. "pinky promise."I wrap mine around his, placing a kiss on his lips. Warning before you read!! This is my first book! This book will contain topics of SA, eating disorders, and mature content, if any of these things may bother you in anyway, please scroll! I hope when I finish this book I can public a clean version, with a different perspective leaving out these topics, but for now, this is how i've envisioned this story to go! Enjoy -Ash🌸
DO YOU REMEMBER ME? (Completed)
.( only for 17+ ....mature language will be there...so read on your own risk...) This is My story so do not copy it... (\_/) ( °¢° ) .How could it be? When I look at you Faraway memories come back to life It's always like that When I look at you I see the lost memories from you Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember me It happens even when I try When I'm in front of you Memories I want to forget come back to life Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember me Protect yourself from disappearing When things get hard, remember me I really wanted you So I hope you'll stop for a moment and look at me I can't stop, I'm afraid I can't control myself, what do I do? Look at me, remember meComplete
"I want a divorce." And just hearing him say that my whole world that seemed to revolve around him stopped. Gathering myself I barely managed to speak in a voice that even I could not recognise. I couldn't comprehend anything going around me. "Wh..hy?" As soon as the words left my mouth he threw the file and the photographs spread across the floor. And those photographs had me in compromising positions with not one but several men. Looking at those photos I looked straight into his eyes. Disgust and hatred. The only emotions I could see. Taking a deep breath I composed myself and tried to keep my face void of the emotions I felt at that moment. Hurt and immense pain. If he didn't trust me then he has no right to see me vulnerable too. "Is this the only reason why you want to divorce me? No other except this?" It was foolish of me to ask him but I had to make sure. Also for me trust comes before love. If he doesn't trust me I don't even want to save the relationship. "Is this not enough you whore? What else can I expect from a slut and a gold digger like you! I knew it from the start that all you showed was just a facade. Your innocence, kindness, it was all fake. I just don't believe how can I be so dumb." Was I hurt? No I was broken beyond repair. My heart ached. I felt like I was seconds away from collapsing. I had far exceeded the limit of hurt and pain. I was so powerless in that moment that I couldn't even fight with him. Love makes you strong. I have heard and felt that countless times but they always forget to mention what comes after that. Love makes you weak too. I couldn't shout at him because I loved him. But I had to be brave. For myself. ************************************************** Is love enough for two people to be together or is there something more important than love? This is story of Xander and Sophie who loved each other but still couldn't be together. Because more important than love is trust. © All rights reserved
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