How Did This Happen

At a young age I fell in love, reckless and foolishly. I give all my time and efforts for him but does not enough because... he leave me.

I tried to follow him, I desperately want him but it ends up give me a nightmare that change my whole life. I got a car accident and I almost lost my life.

I thought that I will see my parents beside me when I wake up but I felt disappointed because I didn't see them. They choose work over me and I felt unwanted.

While on the four painted walls, I promised to myself that i will never let anyone have the chance to hurt me like what they did to me. I will not give them the chance to see the naivè girl that they used to know. I will change and I will guard my heart so they will not hurt me. Until I met him and it gives me an unwanted feelings.

He is my bodyguard and I hate it because I'm not a damsel in distressed that need a protection. I am kicking big fat ass and I can handle myself.

I always do many bitches tricks to piss him off but I always fail. I always make tripping jokes to him that end up humiliating myself. I hate his existency to the core but at the same time I want him on my side. Because his the one who show me that I can trust again, that I can be vulnerable again.

The promised that I say to myself are slowly destructing. Should I let him inside of my heart and risk my heart again to love him or ignore the unknown feeling and shut him on my life.

What should I do?