When I Was Alphie

Eighteen years ago, I was born and then I was created with careful stitches to be a son, a brother, a specimen. My decision was made for me; a beautiful boy brought into a haphazard world. I would become used to the long stares, the gloved hands, and the sense of misplacement amongst my peers.

I was made in grief and presented to the world as a token boy to fill the legacy of someone else. To all those around me, I was simply a golden boy named Alphie. In secret, I fall out of grace.

I grew and I grow, the question of who I actually am always on the forefront of my mind. My body betrays me in the same way it has since birth. I took the pills, I administered the shots, and I did what I was supposed to under the watchful eyes of my parents during the daytime and at night under the gaze of others.

When I met Sartaaj, I thought it was the right time, and that he would be the one who delivered me from my worst habits. When my lips found Gemma's, I thought that was the right time, too. Now I unravel years of a secret held close to my chest, the remnants of who I was supposed to be slipping through my fingers.

I was Alphie.