Agonizing 24/7

These are just the compilation of my dreams (or I say nightmares lmao) that I used to get when I was in love with one person at first he pretended like he loved me.. But in the end because of his day to day ignorance and ghosting mechanisms I took steps back & removed him from my life. It was my first time to fall in love super deeply with the person who lived the other side of oceans.. We could've been together if I wasn't insecure about us & he acted bit more like an adult (apparently he was elder than me.. But had 0 calibre to handle situations when things don't go right.. He chose to run away & then came back from time to time in order to make me suffer..) We had good bounding it was rare.. I never felt so deeply attached to a man in my entire life eventhough we never met each other in person.. I was happy with him but always so unsure & insecure.. I don't feel anything about him now. He did tried to contact me after we abruptly ended it.. But I just couldn't face him as I'm scared of going through the same crap & treated like a shit.. I was literally done with his bullshit..But now as I have the habit of ranting my own.. I used to write a lot about him and my state of mind that time. I'll hide his real identity here. But yes I will mention his country because it played important role in this.
Before writing about the nightmares I will also write about my mental state during all that crap. I will give brief background of that person. Tbh he was very good and kind person but still.. I think we both are responsible for not working out together.. But I think I can kinda bash him for acting in a certain way. Bec a man in right mind (during relationship) shouldn't do this to the girl who loves him unconditionally.. But yea.. Past is past. So yeah. I hope so people can relate to it.
Also I am all over this shitty scenario now thanks to my 2 best friends and one awesome YouTube whose videos kinda enlightened me and helped me realize exactly what is happening with me.