I want to die

honestly i dont care about spelling or grammer right now so if you want to correct me right now you can bite me.
Nobody fucking know the pain ive been though. nobody feels the way i do. nobody knows how bad i want to hurt myself. nobody fucking understands me and the people who kinda understand me i push away. i pushed away the only guy ive actually really love and care about and i hate myself for that because he was the best thing that s happened to me. i want to feel the pain ive made others feel and i do that by cutting and hurting myself i dont do it for attention because almost nobody knows i do only my closest friends know i do. i hate the fact that im such a fuck up that everyone hates me and wants nothing to do with me. i hate me i hate me with a burning passion. i try so hard to be everything everyone wants me to be but i just cant. i hate that. i hate every little thing about me. i feel dead inside but he keeps me alive litterly. i just wish people would stop treating me like such shit and using me. there is no worse feeling then finding out someone doesnt like you that you thought they were there for you. i cry so much now i used to never cry. you know im in alot of pain if im crying over something or im hurt. people dont understand that. nobody understands that i have feelings to and the reason i want to die. i want to die because you made me feel so low that i want to die so fuck you for making someone feel like that. i always try to treat people right even if i dont like them because i dont want them to feel the way i do. yes i do care what other people think. i always have and i probbubly always will. stop fucking with me.