Life truly begins

A story script im making for an upcoming comic i intend on making, the characters are ones ive made on my own over the years and this project means the world to me, im finally beginning to write up the story so please give me any criticism you have.
And yes there is a self insert as a main character because i could literally give less of a shit if anyone hates that idea, this is my story, my world, my mind, i can do what i damn well please with it. Without further words, let's begin