The Way Things Are

'Do it. Do something now.' His hand was on my waist, around me, nuzzled into my hair. Morning sunlight peeped through the outer edges of the window. He put the blanket up in place of a curtain to keep the sunlight out. But it didn't work. As always, that little ray of sunshine woke me up. Usually, it gave me hope, maked me feel warm, blissful, especially considering I was usually snuggled up to Harry. I woke relaxed and soothed. But not that day. That morning, something clicked inside of me. I needed him, in every single sense of the phrase. I needed him emotionally, and I had him emotionally. He had me. But I needed physical connections. I needed him to show me that he needed me to. I had been playing the game for a year and a half. I lay there, unsure if he was awake or asleep, unsure if I should speak my commands out loud, unsure about even if I did whether or not it would make a difference. Would he listen anyways? Even if he heard, would he reciprocate the feelings I had such pushed the command? I was frustrated at this point, with everyone. But it was more than just that. It was serious. It was the ending point for me. If this didn't happen, now, it was over. I drew the line. 'If you don't fucking do it now I'm gone.' I watched that ray of sunshine move across the room. I lost track of time, I just know it was plenty of time for a series of things to be able to occur. And they didn't. So I threw his arm off of me, disgusted. I threw the covers off and hastily went to the bathroom, looking at myself in the long mirror. My hands gripped the corner of the sink, knuckles turning white. I didn't care about my bed head. I didn't care about what I looked like. It was so hard to stir around thinking about what could be, what we might be. I just wished this would either start or stop, wished we could either be or not be, but at least have a definite answer, no room for questioning. And I think I got what I wished for.