W. H. Y. M. E

"So what are you gonna say at my funeral now that you killed me? Here's lies the body of the love of my life whose heart I broke without a gun to my head. tried to make a home out of you. But doors lead to trap doors. A stairway leads to nothing, unknown men wander the hallways at night. Where do you go when you go quite? You remind me of my father, a magician, able to exist in two places at once. And the tradition of men in my blood, you come home at 3am and lie to me. What are you hiding? The past and future merge to meet us here. What luck...what a fucking curse. I tried to change..closed my mouth more, tried to be softer, prettier, less awake. Fasted for sixty days, wore white, abstained from mirrors, abstained from sex. Slowly did not speak another word, in that time my hair I grew past my ankles, I slept on a mat on the floor. I swallowed a sword...i levitated, went for the basement confessed my sins and was baptized in a river, got on my knees and said amen and said I mean I whipped my own back and asked for dominion at your feet. I threw myself into a volcano, I drank the blood and drank the wine. I sat alone and begged and bent at the waist of God, I crossed myself and thought... i saw the devil. I grew thickened skin on my feet, I bathed in bleach and plugged my menses with pages from the holy book but still inside my coiled deep was the need to know... Are you cheating on me? ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?... Is this what you truly want? I can wear his skin over mine.. His hair over mine.. His hands as gloves.. His teeth as confetti.. His scalp a cap.. His sternum my bedazzled cane.. We can pose for a photograph, all three of us, immortalized. You and your perfect boy.... I don't know when love became elusive, what I know is no one I know has it. My father's arms around my mother's neck, fruit too ripe to eat. I think of lovers as trees, growing to and from one another, searching for the same light. Why can't you see me? Why can't you.. Why can't you see me....