Begin, Again

I am lost
I'm not happy with my chosen course.
I don't have a plan for my future
I don't know where and how to start my life.
I have nothing.

Then I met you.

A hardworking superstar.
You work for 24hrs-barely eating, barely sleeping, barely surviving.
But you're there at the top, doing something you love.
Nakakahiya, at the same time, nakakinggit.

How can you be so sure of what you want, Of what you need, Of what you want your future to be?
I envy you.
I envy you a lot.
---
I am lost.
I am happy-
No.
I was happy.
I was happy doing what I loved.
But then, I got tired of it.
I got tired of everything.
The smiling faces in front of me
Whenever I see them,
They started to grow horns
And it gets bigger and bigger as they demand more from me, demand more beyond my capacity.
It was too much to take in. I couldn't breathe.

Then I met you.

Careless.
You have nothing to think of-nothing to worry about.
You can do anything you want.
No judging eyes. No issues posted in tabloids waiting for you.
No nothing.
How can you be so free?
I envy you.
I envy you a lot.