Love and....

A boy walks up to you and smiles with patient eyes. There's something about this boy. He makes you want to be with him, to hold him, to touch his body. He has a patient smile, and he has such a fire in his eyes. He makes you want to keep coming back for more, and more, and more until you cannot see.

I bet you can't guess what his name is....can you?

I walk to the back of the convenience store. It's starting again. The teeth grinding. I hate when I grind my teeth. I walk up to the register to buy cigarettes. That's the only thing I'll need in this town. I chain smoke all the time, but when I get like this, it's so crazy. I'm blinded by the street lights as I'm walking home. I've been doing this since I was 15. This is the second time I've ever done it. 19 is a good age to be when you're messed up and don't care what anyone thinks.

I go inside my house and I feel like I want to scream at everyone, but instead I take some pills to help me fall asleep. Big mistake. I felt like I was invincible. I've been up and down, high and low, same thing, different day. I listen to some music to help me sleep, but my eyes are opened. Wide opened. I'm still grinding my teeth; I want to clean my whole house. Please please please let me be okay. I'm starting to drift away when I think of the cigarettes I just bought. I watch the sunrise as I smoke half a pack in an hour.

This is the life I'm living.