Love and....

Love and....

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    LETTURE 54
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WpMetadataReadIn corso<5 mins
WpMetadataNoticeUltima pubblicazione mar, gen 27, 2015
A boy walks up to you and smiles with patient eyes. There's something about this boy. He makes you want to be with him, to hold him, to touch his body. He has a patient smile, and he has such a fire in his eyes. He makes you want to keep coming back for more, and more, and more until you cannot see. I bet you can't guess what his name is....can you? I walk to the back of the convenience store. It's starting again. The teeth grinding. I hate when I grind my teeth. I walk up to the register to buy cigarettes. That's the only thing I'll need in this town. I chain smoke all the time, but when I get like this, it's so crazy. I'm blinded by the street lights as I'm walking home. I've been doing this since I was 15. This is the second time I've ever done it. 19 is a good age to be when you're messed up and don't care what anyone thinks. I go inside my house and I feel like I want to scream at everyone, but instead I take some pills to help me fall asleep. Big mistake. I felt like I was invincible. I've been up and down, high and low, same thing, different day. I listen to some music to help me sleep, but my eyes are opened. Wide opened. I'm still grinding my teeth; I want to clean my whole house. Please please please let me be okay. I'm starting to drift away when I think of the cigarettes I just bought. I watch the sunrise as I smoke half a pack in an hour. This is the life I'm living.
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Alex.. That's all I remembered that summer night 3 years ago.. It was my 19th birthday and I was celebrating at the beach house, like we always did. Together. This summer was different. This summer was magical.. However, All I could remember was the tanned skin, in my bed, the morning after, cursing under his breath, searching for his clothes. All I remembered was his first name, after I peeked at a message that lit up on his phone, asking "Where are you, Alex? It starts in an hour." I remember the day before, but due to the alcohol in my system, it still was a blur. All i remember was the steamyness we shared and that he was in a rush, saying absoluetly nothing. Until he was gone.. I have been to that beach house every birthday since.. It's like he vanished and was only a memory. He only existed that one day on my 19th birthday. The laughs, the sun, the warm fuzzy feeling. It was perfect. Until it was gone. Vanished. It was the only time I felt like me, warm fuzzy, in the beach I loved, the mysterious man I met just that morning at breakfast who I spent the entire day with, it was the first summer I felt like myself ironic enough, falling for a man who i just met, He made me feel alive more than ever. He sent a spark in me. It was the first and only summer, I felt pretty inside AND out. Until I saw him.. 10 feet away from me. A beautiful woman attached to his hip, arm around her and PREGNANT. My world crashes around me and I can't breathe.

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