Last Times of Loving

“Well, then maybe we just… shouldn’t be anymore.”

His eyes are wide and so blue. The train comes, whooshing through the tunnel, whipping his hair off his forehead and making him squint - but he doesn’t look away. The subway blows it’s whistle repetitively and everything is so loud and full of motion around us; so suddenly too. But we’re frozen in time, and it’s silent where the two of us are. I feel like my heart has even stopped a bit.

And the train passes, the spell broken. I can’t pretend he didn’t say it anymore and I’m screwed. I can’t breath, and my cheeks are hot. I feel like I might cry but I can’t even fucking blink.

Another train comes then, with another whistle and another gust of air and I feel like some of that air might have taken right out of my lungs. The doors ding open and this time it’s the people that are chaos around us and he’s just blinking at me with his blueberry eyes.

He doesn’t say anything else, and when the doors shut behind him he keeps looking at me like he wants to reach through the glass. But he doesn’t, he can’t, and he’s rushed away down the tracks.

The wind nearly knocks me over this time.