The One Who Just Stopped Trying

I was always there for them,
But they're never here for me
I was here when your dad died
And when you started getting depressed
I was here for you when you told me you have EDNOS
You told me everything and I listened
You never knew that I'm depressed
Or that I'm anorexic and bulimic
You didn't know I was raped
Or how I get get abused at home
You don't know how much I hate myself
Not because I didn't want you to know,
But because you never wanted to hear it
I would try to tell you,
But you always told me to stop complaining
That you don't want to hear it
Other people have it worse
But I am so empty
I'm tired of being here
I want to die
I am ready
You said they you know somebody with stage 4 leukemia
He can't control that he's dying
I can
He doesn't want to die
I do
She didn't know that when she said that I felt JEALOUS
That's how desperate for death I am
I WANT cancer
I don't care if it's painful,
I'm a little scared of what comes after
But I know it can't be worse that this hell