There I was, standing in between the two guys I can't choose between.
"You need to choose Sarah, my heart can't stand this anymore, I love you more than anything or anyone else in this world! I just can't stand this wait, it's like my heart breaks more and more I see you with him," Mikey said. There were tears in his eyes and all I wanted to do was say 'I'll choose you' but quite frankly, I don't know who to choose.
"Sarah he's right, as much as it pains me to agree with him, he really is right. We both love you and we both will except your decision, but please choose. I'm falling apart, I need to know who you will choose. I can't live like this! Sarah, I love you to the moon and back, hell, I love you more than that Sarah!" Ryan says looking straight into my eyes.
"I..I can't," I said as tears were streaming down my face
"Sarah please," Ryan pleaded
"Ok, just let me be I need to think," who should I choose, I can't choose, I love them both! But I have to for the sake of them.
"What else do you want me to say, Mia?"
"Did you mean it?"
There is a pause and I just-I feel exhausted, the kind that 12 hours of sleep hasn't been able to fix.
"Hannah said I don't deserve to be loved, is that how you feel too?" She might not have said it in as many words but that's exactly what she meant.
He takes my hand in his and kisses it. "Between the both of us-it's I who doesn't deserve to be loved."
"Too bad you already are."
"Please stop saying it!" he may not have screamed the words at me but he might as well have.
"You think I am lying?"
He holds my face with both his hands and looks deep in my eyes. "Mia, I will say this for the last time. I don't do love. I don't want to be loved by anyone and I will never fall in love with anyone ever. If you love me, keep that love to yourself. Please."
"Why?"
"This is the deal, Mia. Take it or leave it. I will give you my loyalty and my time but I will not have you telling me you love me ever again. I don't believe in love and I can't give you love. Can you live with that?"
"What if I can't?"